The Marlboro Country Bike Porno

Forced vacation days, an unemployed friend, stoke from last month’s trip and some pics on mtbr begat a roadtrip.     Maad and I both like to take dirty photos (if they’ve got me in them, they are James’ pics), which perfectly filled the gaps between his climbing faster than me by about the same amount i descended or hit techy stuff faster than him.   3 days in the San Juans was totally bromantic.   After all, Maad invented the term “blog about my radness“.

Though it started on a down note: James feeling sick and me driving us all night to Cortez, jacked up on caffeine and candy, til we crashed in the dirt near the Phil’s World TH. ~5am, it rained. ~5:10, i crawled into the driver’s seat after discovering the tarp i was under was not waterproof.   Thus began 12 hrs of moping and shuffling and wondering how the fuck we got the one wet day in a month?!?!?! we visited several bike shops and placated our woe with some really good biscuits and gravy from Edna and Annettes (or some such place in Cortez).   Osprey does not have a storefront. Several rounds and bowls of peanuts   at the Steamworks in Durango and the weather cleared enough for suburban hooliganism on the Animas River Trail.

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43 stairs on this one!
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i found about 10 jumps and trials, and that could be doubled after another recon of the route. what a fun place to ride and barcrawl, or go 2-biking.

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the wet weather was just chillin, and proceeded to thump us every 2 hrs til about 2am as we hid in our tent at the campground.

Thursday was another mopey morning, having to kill time til the sun dried things out. James got the great idea to head up to Molas Pass and check out the conditions for the big ride we hoped to do the next day: Colorado Trail to Engineer Mtn.

would all this porntastic snow turn the trail to slop?
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or lead to moneyshots?
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psyched that our big ride would be dry enough for the next morning, we drove back to Cortez to hit Phil’s World after some drainage and sun.   i had a kinda crappy ride – the foreplay unfolded all wrong, me sporting a woody for some alpine and mountains, not a high-desert mesa that felt way too much like home. and a day of junk food and altitude kicked my ass.   both of which were too bad, cause Phil’s World is pretty fun, with lots of whoopdees and ledges.

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about 3 hrs and 20 miles of surprisingly hard work for the little vf gained. If you’re looking for swoopy flow and a sense of purpose, Phil’s is not it – i turned, braked, or lifted every 10 yards. but if you are in the mood to play, its a sweet ride in a great location. Next San Juan’s trip Phil’s and i will have great makeup sex.

dinner fixed everything. Hands down the best pizza place i’ve been to.
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Friday we broke camp early to get into the mtns for a 9:30 start
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a steady 10 mile climb and traverse across the mountain tops, then up and around Engineer Mountain, and down down down towards Cascade Creek. 20 miles, about 2500 climbing and 4k descending.
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The trail was instantly beautiful, with bike-friendly flow as it rolled along at 11,000 feet
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it undulated across the mountains’ ridges and flanks, most of the pitches tolerable, with some exposure and rock-falls and off-camber to keep you entertained and grounded as the altitude nipped at your quads...
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…or beat you down
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we took a break a bit over 2hrs moving time, when the CO Trail intersected Engineer Mtn Trail
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the moisture and the altitude started to take its toll as we turned onto the Engineer Trail. this pitch was overgrown and slick, and each downstroke i slid into the dying weeds or the lip of the trail’s trough. it was easier to walk.
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we then rolled through the only really steep pitch on the trail, the mud and drops and exposure a welcome rush; gnar junkies of the world unite!!

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what goes down must come up, and we pushed a quarter mile up a significant pitch. The slickness and altitude made it hard; horse tracks made it awful. Some dumbass selfish stinking slow-moving idiots and their horses apparently climbed the trail the day before in the mud. They trashed 3 miles til reaching the bottom of the same drainage we hooted down, and decided to turn back. What they left was a bog full of divots and slop and horsepiss and horseshit. all that should have flowed downhill off the trail pooled in the postholes of horseshit deathmud. I HATE HORSES!

pitches that we should have climbed we pushed – in the trail, in the uneven grasses on the side, bike in the trail and walking on the side, walking in the mud and the bike on the side – there was no good way that didn’t lead to sliding sideways or an achy back. I HATE HORSES!

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the pain was soothed by the views
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James has a phat degree in Geology, and asserts that this is one of about 3 melting talas mountains in the world. I say huzzah, i shredded that!
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finally! the descent began the moment we crested this saddle
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the trail quickly transitioned into perfect switchbacks through the forest. the consistency and trueness became apparent, inspiring trust, and we flowed one after another after another, anticipating the arc and the slope and the scattering of rocks and roots.

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i shot through one of the few s-curves, and looked up to see the aspen changing through the whole mountain range
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more perfect switchbacks had us opening up the speed as we descended into the aspen
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the ride became a golden glow
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We planned to audible at the bottom, and if feeling strong ride up Lime Creek Road for 11 miles\1500 vf then 550 for another few miles\1000vf to our car. But i came prepared with a 180 pt sign just in case.   After the mud, and all the fun from the descent, we took the easy way.

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James asserts that this photo is kinda salacious and just a little brokeback biker.   Perhaps, i shook my moneymaker so well i got a ride from the very first car to pass, and was back in a cool 45 min.   it also looks like my pants are unzipped a little.   lots of things happen on an epic descent; i’m pretty sure i came 3 or 4 times.   The couple that gave me a ride asked where i was from, then said how much they loved our governor.   I took a deep breathe to ensure i did not get booted out of this car.

Driving back down from Molas Pass, i snapped a pic of this one which turns orange every year, and is in just the right place to cause constant near-accidents on the twisty road
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Long westward drive home
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2 Comments

  1. I really like your durango_44 pic….I struggled with finding the right light in the aspen at that point but for some reason….failed utterly to capture the wedding-like fall of aspen leaves upon the trail……

  2. dunno…I’m just a hack with a cheap camera, guess I got lucky! glad you like it, feel free to copy. a little contrast and saturation correction might make that one a little better.

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