advice to my parents on babysitting next week

be prepared. i’m warning you, you need to get ready for this, goto an aerobics class, eat right.   you need to work together, you need to be prepared. you need to think about getting sleep, strategies for distractions, pockets, drink some orange juice in the morning, rest stops and water breaks, you need to be vigilant, carry a cell phone.   you will need some all-purpose shoes. don’t get me wrong, she’s a frickin’ trip, but she’ll kick your ass.

and read the manual before you drive the Prius. Maybe get a Cisco certification too just to be safe.

Stacking, sorting, and the general business of putting things into other things

G has taken to creating order in the universe. no, she is an agent of entropy, and anarchy. but she likes to bring order to household items. It started with lids and tupperware…she figured out to put like-minded containers into one another and the lids that go on them. I’m not sure why this surprises me; its a puzzle, whats not to like. But seeing the cognition go from coincidence to connection to contrivance is amazing. The tupperware thing has lately, in its own small way, been useful. I now have to pick up 14 things instead of 16, thank you G. Last week she enjoyed the red and yellow bottles of the pool test kit, and figured out the little container thing. Packing unpacking packing unpacking…i thought about putting a stop to it but its 4 bucks and i cant even get the bottle open. It hit a true funniness the other day at G’s 15 month peds appt. We’re hanging out in the green room, nekkid, typical quiet time…so she begins to tear apart and open everything in the room. Why a peds office would not have child proof latches on their cabinets, I do not know. Anyway, she pulls out a stck of dixie cups whic are in fact urine samplers. There was the first one, which she tried to drink out of, the second which she used double fisted with the first, the brief distraction, the 3rd and 4th to replace the retired 1st and 2nd, then the entire rest of the team ran out through the tunnel. I now knew, for a fact, she enjoyed stacking. Today was the peak, she picked up rocks from the yard and put em in a giant bucket. after every one, she looked at me and held up her arms and smiled: yeah!!!! this could last for hours. its a big bucket, a little girl, and a yard full of rocks. we can only hope!

beating the shit out of dad

the baby just pulled a pool brush down on my head. i was sitting in a chair, she was wreaking havoc on the porch. i need to stop writing to go remedy this…pole is away…lap_kljjlkj….TOP ,,,,,,,,,,,,in danger. I digress. So I jumped and grabbed the side of my head and went “owww!” And she turns and looked at me sheepishly and walked away from the pole (i hope that is not prophetic) and then went and sucked her thumb for good measure. I swear, in G speak, that was “oh shit…i’m sowwy.”

the tree in the forest

i don’t need a big audience, but if a tree falls in the forrest and no one hears it, it really doesnt make a sound.   So many good lines this weekend, no one to hear them but G (and the Internet). Beckie is home now but needs to acknowledge my rockin the mic, its hard work saving all this funny up.   i will not stand to be ignored! Dumbstruck Dad comedy tour is in the hizouse!

more silliness!

i am pretty sure beckie will testify that i am silly, have always been and shown a propensity for silly, work hard to bring the joy of silly into my day to day life. i will pant people, make fun of awkward noises, immitate Beavis and Butthead, prat fall, make funny faces, make funny-fake-scary faces, enjoy Jim Carey and Naked Gun, and pull your finger. whatever…a man can show confidence in his intelligence by enjoying the simple humors. the baby has inspired me to purposefully cultivate my silly. i like the payoff, its rewarding. its kinda like one of the best things i’ve heard in my yoga class “relax your face.” it really does relax you. never too old for silly.

Eating right

Just like w me, feeding G the right combination of stuff is hard work. I like giving her bad stuff now and then, why not, she loves it. she’s so active that doesnt bug me, it more making sure all along that the bulk of her diet is right. Most mornings its banana, yogurt and cheerios. Dinner is harder to work in veggies – I bought some frozen mixed veggies the other day, since they have that sweet taste I think she will dig em just like peas. Scrambled eggs worked yesterday, which was cool Beckie said G didnt like them the last time. Today at the veggie stand I picked up strawberries and blackberries just for the baby — good call. Between those, and grapes, I feel like its a good portion of a meal and I can always give her something like a snack to keep her mellow. And hydration — I’m always trying to offer her water bottles and sippy cups. She is pretty good about letting me know when she wants to hit the bottle, but I’ve taken to leaving a few on the floor around the house. It is summer in AZ after all.

gear up!

I keep slowly introducing G to the terrain. yesterday we walked for a while on the access road behind Red Mountain Ranch. she is getting it. couple times she headed to something steep and recognized when i told her “careful” or “no.” didnt stop her, but at least she got the message. She tried to scramble up the side of a little culvert — amusing in and of itself seeing tinyHuman struggle with a 2 ft culvert — and as she failed you could see she wasn’t really upset more accepting that it was out of her league. yeah she is definitely getting it.

the other day I decided no more open toed shoes if we’re doing anything interesting. I mean, duh, but its important. I noticed yesterday she was covered in scratches so I need to get her some light pants too for these instances of all-terrain-babying.

shit-dog

beckie and I have a rule: if the dog rolls in shit while you are walking the dog, its your job to de-funcify the dog. This sometimes means one member of the pack is working much harder than the other members of the pack in the best interests of the rare-and-wild Kila. But really, there is no other way. Your crime, your time.

Today the dog rolled in shit while I was alone for the 3-day weekend, walking kila and G. It happened like 2 minutes into the walk, I had barely gotten the cap off my beer. <sigh>. Got home, put the dog in the shower, got in with her and cleaned her and myself in a long leisurely wash. Usually I am quite perfunctory about getting Stinky out of my shower, but I also needed to clean G, who had gotten ridiculously disgusting as I was working all day to tire her out ( grapes, milk, sand, beer, water, powerbar and other general organics contributing to G’s aura by 6pm). Anyway, tossed Kila outside and showered G off. She hates this, I know she hates it, but it took like a minute and a half to have a sparkling clean baby. So I spend some time hugging her, I’m still like 10 minute up from this overwhelming task of cleaning multiple disgusting mammals. Does that make me a bad dad?

shoes

we’re alone all weekend together. This is a lot of work, but only fair to Beckie shit someone should be able to go have great adventures. Lately G has seemed to sit on the dog pillow whenever she sees me getting out her shoes – the dog pillow where I often sit her down to put em on. Well, today I took off my tevas and said “shoes”, and from then on she was repeating “sussss…shubbbs…etc”. Last week or so when I took off my tevas I noticed her trying to do the same thing. She definitely has it figured out that shoes = outside = fun. damn smart human.