That’s cool but if my friends ask where you are I’m gonna say

This kind of goodness has gotten so easy the family is bored and wants to go to Italy. #FWP.

Cinder blocks are not something ever known to be in short supply in Rocky Point?

Little tailgate before watching the Eagles. I appreciate the sports bar and the Sam’s Club more than any other americanization

I named the DH runs. This one is Speckles

And this is Spots; it has four booters

Low tide brought a 6-ft shelf in the estuary

Hard to see, but this bird’s beak was as big as its body

i dont know what this was, but I’m glad it didn’t eat me

butterflies everywhere

Soy es Alejandro

We have this new family psyche song

and we went up to Flagstaff to prove it

Bear Jaw – Abineau Loop

do you see the Grand Canyon?

Drove down Oak Creek Canyon the next day, to show everyone Hangover. Beckie and the kids have never seen anything like this masterpiece. The awe motivated all of our tired legs, mostly enough balance. Alana and I both were getting woozy on the backside. Can’t believe I cleaned as much of this as I did last time in about 2010, I’ve ridden so little gnar since my knee surgery.


To keep the hiking small after yesterday, we crawled the truck 3 miles up Schnebly Hill to the Cow Pies lot in the background, and after I hiked back up the road for the vehicle. That sucked.

Dip in Oak Creek under Midgley Bridge

Gorgeous Boys

Living with Cheeto is dysfunctional, like working in a cube farm with a stripper. You’re just trying to go to work, respect everyone, and leave. But she’s in stilettos and stripper clothes next to you, pole dancing up to standup meetings, pole dancing down to get coffee, flipping hair and arching her back every time she runs the debugger. It would be maddening. You’re not allowed to touch, cause that’s wrong, as it should be. But its awkward, staring so much. Cheeto is 20lbs of squishy cheddar cat magnificence.  He will mess you up with his sharp parts if you even look at him too close. Then he eats his neurosis away. Here’s a dollar bill kitty.

Kirby loves life and inappropriatenesses. He joins my B double E double R U N. He wants ham. He tolerates anything, for ham.

Mor’easter

A weekend without soccer or swim, I will fill that void or die trying.

Trail 4 in Cave Creek. I think they wore the same clothes.

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We were just past the wildflower peak; this place must have been mind-numbing last month.

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Easter Eggs, we did that like pros, neat and efficient. Drank some coffee and made some pancakes, rolled around in our jammies til mid-afternoon, let the muse settle in. The snowboarder was some of my finest work.

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the wildflower field was way better up close.

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I put together a biking course in 45 min  – left chalk arrows out the door and back 3 miles later with our eggs in place. The got every turn, with a little effort, ending at ‘our trailhead behind the school‘. They dont have time to use their thinkers it goes so fast trying to keep 3 riders and 1 cattledog together. The last cue was some stacked rocks and a beer can.

They know this in the trail means stop.

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ready, set!

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the accounting

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Alana ended up with 58 total balls and G 59. I split the course along the path 75 yards out with a $5 ball at the end of each line, then shoved Alana off to the north before she could fixate on fighting with her sister going south. Dungeon-masterly, couldn’t have moved it better with a couple killer hummingbirds and a coyote.

Faces of Elf Death

Killed by KitchedAid, 12.05.16
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Smoothies, 12.06.16
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Bury-Go-Round, 12.07.16

Dragon’s Lair, 12.08.16
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Cement Loafers, 12.09.16
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Fury Road, 12.10.16
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Silence of the Lambs, 12.11.16
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Every Rose Has Its Thorn, 12.12.16
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Xmas Sniper: Elf Obsession, 12.13.16
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Rat Hole, 12.14.16
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Dinner Time, 12.15.16
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The Bonnie Situation, 12.16.16
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Lighting Strikes Twice, 12.17.16
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Aliens, 12.18.16
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Shelob, 12.19.16
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Unicorns and Rainbows, 12.20.16
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Slushy, 12.21.16
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Ice Age, 12.22.16
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Forest in Winter, 12.23.24
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Silent Suffocation, 12.24.26
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Prison Shower Shanking, 12.25.16
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The Revenant, 12.26.16
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The Elf – Derrick Zoolander, performing all his own stunts.

Supgrade

I tried a friend’s fancy board this summer, and it opened my mind to my bumpkinism about SUPs. Our first board is an intro POS, heavy board heavy paddle, that I could trade on a good day for a midrange EZ UP or a couple pairs of nice kids-sized cleats. The table-stakes at the sport give you a taste of the stoke, but you quickly tire of losing. Our board rides the water like an earthquake, gradually and inexorably tilting you into a swim. I tracks like a leaf and slogs even down current.

Beckie loves it, and I like it enough to lend her my ability to close. 3 days later, we had a new toy.

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Putting the money into it was never in doubt – I’ll keep my shitty truck for a few more years to redirect fundage into toys like this! The best part about outdoor toys (other than road bikes) is that doubling costs have immense, performance-value sweetspot benefits still 10x cheaper than cars. I’m pleased to see I’ve gotten better and better at this meta-transaction, evidence by *ahem* a new board in 3 days!!!

NoSnow is at the Hawes’ trailhead, and we were not aimlessly driving out there. l It was a full morning. Beckie took G on a loop through TRW. Alana and I did the Canal trail and Tour De Backyards, for 4 miles of dirt and almost an hour of spin time!!!!
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Sunday, we drove the truck down into Bartlett Flats and pushed off into the lake, first time, and it was so fun! 2015_0927_Bartlett_Lake_01_blog

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It is so responsive, stable and fast! I could steer both directions from both sides, even the children were killing it.

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DirtBag DadCamp: Skating

“I wound up having to join AA. I don’t even drink. Just needed the stage time.”
–Bob Nickman

Allowing the girls to buy rollerblades made me complicit in their impending fractured ulnas. Despite what Wayne LaPierre would have you believe, most people think giving a gun to your kid without training is foolish.

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Way back in March I signed them up for a free series of summer hockey lessons at the Ice Den, knowing they’d thank me when it was 110. Amazing choice for 12:30pm in June, it was almost too cold watching. Said no one in AZ, ever, at 12:30pm in June.

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A couple Wednesdays we went to free-admission at Skateland. If you snicker at going into the Mesa ghetto, you need to try it and get godsmacked at how much fun you had in the 80’s.

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Finally they were good enough to skate all the way to the high school, around and back! They didn’t exactly have fun, the reality of 1 degree downhill and uphill and brick sidewalks.

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Reciprocity

Saturday we had a swimmeet in S. Scottsdale.

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Then dashed off to the the annual Snow Day at the Phx Zoo. They put exhibits on every 15 min, and we charged every one we could manage.

California Condors, eating dead rabbits
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Prairie DogTown set atwitter by cauliflower!
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A zookeeper was showing off a Common King Snake that wandered into one of the exhibits. We had actual questions after it crawled in from under our TV, and its similarly-inclined rattlesnake-lookey neighbor that jumped out of our hop seed bushes. He gave us a semester’s worth of herpetology in 5 min! And now we know about jaw sizes, fangs, behavior identification, and how to pick them up.

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warty pigs are adorable when they act like dogs
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The elephant had the happiest day of her summer thanks to the Phoenix FD!
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G was sitting on my shoulders, I had no idea what was being filmed

The monsoon finally hit that night, and we stayed in town instead of camping in the high country. 7:30am was overcast and cool enough for a family ride around Brown’s Ranch. It mandated a 6am wakeup to load bikes, apply sunscreen, stuff calories, placate egos, drive, safety meeting, unload and mount up 5 bikes. G killed it, and Alana…sorta actually killed it, but whined like a cat that’d been petted.

Since we were in the neighborhood, our friend Robin invited us by to see the newest ACDR puppies and help socialize them.

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dogs good for people, people good for dogs. The 5 pups hid from us at first, then it turned into an orgy of belly rubs and facelicks all morning. We did the Full Lincoln.

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DirtBag DadCamp: Forgery

I have a love-hate relationship with the Aquatic Center. Awesome facilities vs shitty hours and SOOOOO many rules. The high-school lifeguards adhere religiously to the squashing of all possible fun, disciplinarian youth and Godwin’s Law collide in sunburned subburbed space.  Their tepid, bleating enforcement is more grating than the actual persecution, even my kids mock their apathy.

Along with our summer pass, Alana and I developed an understanding: she could get away with whatever she could get away with, as long as she didn’t drag me into it.

Dad! They should let me jump owf the high boawd. I jumped owf a cwiff. 

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so true.

What at first seemed rigid monolithic enforcement of the rules upon further glance became huge gaping holes in security. $3.90 on Ebay made 46.75 inches = 48 for the next 3 months.

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Le Fluffing
Me: How old are you sweetie?
Alana: 7
Me: How did you get that wristband?
Alana: The people up front measured me
Me: Is that your dad?
Alana: I’ve never seen that man before in my life

And like good pre-Millennials, they go slack jawed and wave them on, lacking the fortitude or commitment to confront the 6yo by cutting off her illicit wristband.

DirtBag DadCamp: The Test

3 weeks ago the kids were in Camp Invention, and I went to see Mad Max: Fury Road, my first adult movie in a theater in 9.4 yrs. And I got to thinkin’ — the girls in an adjacent theater with a phone was just crazy enough to work! I would rather be stabbed repeatedly in my hemorrhoid than pay to see Minions.

Me: Can you guys do this without fighting, spilling your food, freaking out, getting me arrested?
Monsters: *nods_all_around*
Me: really? you lying little shits? cause if you pull this off i might let your drive?
Monsters: *nods_all_around*

Logistics and supplies are all in order, they both peed twice.
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Terminator: Genisys – I hated the acting, the inhabitation of the actors. Every other movie has been filled with desperation, anxiety, hurt, Kyle Reese running like a trapped rat not a carnivore at CrosSFiit. These characters were pin-ups, physically and actingly. Christian Bale as John Connor vs ….that guy? puhlease. frown emoticon That said, some of it was funny and Arnold was very funny. I just went with it, I snuck a camelback full of beer in, its the dirtbag in DadCamp.

I enjoyed the attempts to interweave the earlier scenes and timelines. Dull and hokey at times, especially since i watched the original 2 days ago, but fun for a geek fan.

Some of the action scenes were cool, but I hate action scenes where there are no rules. Even in SciFi, there need to be rules and limits. I don’t like Terminators, Gladiators, or Decepticons with unlimited hit-points. Neither does Milton Friedman.

I LURVED that they brought back the old cop.

Would not spend to see it in theater, but a good Netflix.