1988:  Beckie is a freshman at William and Mary, and a frequent topic of post-party discussion between her and her roommate Shawna is "What do they do with all the leftover donuts at the end of the evening?"  Inspired by tall tales of heaping bags full of donuts, they vow to find out the truth.  Unfortunately, they always lose their will and pass out instead.

 1992:  After going their separate ways and not seeing much of each other for over a year, Shawna spots Beckie in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead concert.  Giggling, she calls Beckie over to her car, opens the trunk, and proceeds to show Beckie the largest bag of donuts either of them has ever seen.  "Its true!" they both gasp in awe.

1994:  Beckie has shared with Jason the tale of the great bag of donuts.  Beckie is out of town for the weekend, and Jason has been playing ultimate all day and then proceeded to go to an ultimate party at night.  He is, needless to say, wasted.  The party breaks up early as most of the local club teams have practice the next day.  Jason's team, however, practices on Monday, and thus he is still eager for more activity.

11pm:  While driving home, he remembers the tale of the dumpster donuts, and decides to see for himself if the story is true.  Jason pulls into the lot of the Dunkin Donuts on Wilson Boulevard in Arlington, Virginia, and proceeds to stake the place out, dutifully watching for any sign of motion around the Dunkin Donuts Dumpster.

11:15:  Jason's attention span is exhausted.   He drives home, changes into all black clothes, gathers the newspaper and some beers into a back-pack, and rides one and a half miles back to Dunkin Donuts.  Carefully, ever-so carefully, Jason assumes a vantage point conveniently located a half-block up the street, behind a air-conditioning unit, where he proceeds to get drunk and read the sports section.

1:15am:  Jason cautiously approaches the dumpster.  Lo and behold, it is full of heaping bags of donuts, all conveniently sealed in airtight plastic.  Unsure of the freshness of the bounty, Jason marks the bags by poking finger holes in them, and then returns to his lookout behind the ac unit, and gets drunker.
 
2:30am (maybe 3:30, hard to say):  Jason steels his courage and approaches the Dunkin Donuts Dumpster.  He carefully reaches in, and hoists out the new bag of lucious donuts.  The bag is, to his surprise, quite hefty--nearly 40 pounds!  It is also 4 times larger than his back-pack.  Undaunted, Jason places the bundle of sweet treasures on his handlebars, and proceeds to peddle home.

2:32am:  Jason pitches headlong into a nearby shrubbery, approximately half a block from Dunkin Donuts.

2:40am:  Jason wakes up sprawled on his back in a thorn bush.  He can see his bike and the bag of donuts beside him.  He also sees thorns all around him.  His one thought:  "Its going to hurt when I get up."

2:50am:  Jason arrives home, scratched and bruised, yet triumphant.  He somehow manages to get his bike and the 40 pound bag of donuts up the stairs, through the front door and into the elevator to the apartment.  He collapses through the doorway, drops the bag on the kitchen floor, eats half a jelly donut, and passes out.

Some point after that, Jason wakes up, eats the rest of the jelly donut, stumbles into the bedroom, and passes out.

12pm (next day):  Jason staggers into the kitchen, wearing a towel.  At about this time, Beckie is approaching the apartment, and notices a long smear that appears to be chocolate on the door frame.  Beckie enters, with her parents in tow, sees Jason, and immediately breaks into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Beckie then carefully places the donuts into tupperwares and zip-loc bags, sorted by flavor.  She then goes out and buys milk.  The supply of donuts lasts for over a month.

That afternoon, Jason rides his bike down to the mall to play ultimate.  At some point in the afternoon, he notices that he is missing his frame pump.  He is sure that the pump must have fallen off of the bike when he took the plunge into the thorn bush.

9pm:  Jason decides to retrace his steps to find the lost frame pump. Beckie, still somewhat disbelieving of the entire escapade, accompanies him.  They proceed to stop at every planter and landscaping along Wilson Boulevard to look for the pump.  Finally, the find a large shrub with big thorns sticking out of it.  Jason screetches the car to a halt and hops out to find a large patch of broken branches, mountain bike tracks in the mulch, and a colorful assortment of munchkins and crullers on the ground.  They are across the street from the Arlington police station.  Beckie comments that Jason is lucky he wasn't busted for drunk biking.  Jason says that he would have just offerred the cops some donuts.