30
Ways To Know You've Been Playing Too Much Ultimate
- You heckle
the discus thrower at a track meet because he's too lame to throw a hammer.
"The fans want a hammer!!"
- When pulled
over for weaving over a double yellow line, you try to explain to the officer
that he didn't have best perspective, and that it's your call.
- You yell
"PICK!" when someone weaves in front of you on the highway.
- Bagels make
you puke.
- You yell
"Dive for that swill!!" at a baseball game when the first baseman misses
an errant throw.
- The moleskin
won't come off your feet anymore.
- People ask
you what you do when you're not playing Ultimate, and you don't have an
answer.
- On the way
to work, you accidentally yell, "Clear out!" to the cars in front of you.
- You've been
to more tournaments than you've had vacation days this past year.
- You get
confused by reading the directions, "poach fish in simmering broth."
- When you
call a meeting at work, you ask your coworkers to "bring it in."
- The following
words have no place in the supermarket for you: "Mr. Bubble," "Arm &
Hammer" "Tuna," "Ozone," "Lady Godiva."
- "Toast"
reminds you of a nickname before it reminds you of bread.
- Your cleats
haven't had a chance to dry in two months (okay, maybe this is just the
Pacific Northwest).
- The idea
of "pigs eating swill" makes you laugh, 'cause c'mon; a pig laying out
for a d-block?!
- The drain
filter in your shower is for catching turf.
- When headcount
issues come up at work, you offer to "rosham-keep-job" with your boss.
- When someone
talks about visiting a town and you mention that you've been there and
they ask "oh, how was it?" and you can only give them directions to the
local Ultimate fields.
- Every vacation
you take includes a tournament in there somewhere.
- You use
words such as "poach" or "taco" in everyday conversation, as in: "Can I
poach some of your fries?" "This CD isn't working, I think it's tacoed."
- You show
up to meetings at work on "ultimate time".
- You consider
ultimate cheers fine literature.
- The man
you're guarding yells "poach!" before the disc is checked in.
- You accidentally
yell "UP!" while watching Monday Night Football.
- Your most
comfortable shoes are your cleats.
- You start
wearing skirts when not playing disc (and you're a guy).
- You feel
cheated when your reverse-spin-upside-down-behind-the-back- no-look-push-pass
for a goal gets called "swill".
- If you don't
play disc for 2-3 days in a row, you forget to take showers.
- You high
five all your teammates when you win a Ro Sham for the pull.
- You start
to like the nickname "Swill Boy".
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