Names We Will Not Be Giving Our Daughter

  • Nothing Too Ethnic: No Becticia. No LaJason, DeJason, or D’Jason. No Shaniqua. No Ruth. No Esther. No Mary, Mary Margaret, Mary Catherine. No Chastity. No Virginia. No Salama.
  • Nothing Pretentious and Hackneyed Masquerading as Unique: No Maya. No Isabella. No Zoe. No Mercedes. No Siena. No Margarita. No Jade.
  • Nothing Too Britney: No Britney. No Amber. No Ashley. No Megan. No Taylor.
  • Nothing Too WhiteBread: No Ann. No Kathy. No Jane. No Sue.
  • Nothing Too White: No Sarah. No Emma. No Emily. No Lauren
  • Nothing Too Redneck: No Kerry Ann. No Bobbie Ann. No Bobbie Jean. No Jennie Ann. No Kerry Sue. No Bobbie Sue. No Bobbie Jo. No Kerry Jean.
  • Nothing Confusing Around the Holidays: No Beckie. No Deb. No Cecile. No Bette. Nothing with a G. No Moira. No Brooke. No Kila, or Turtle.
  • Nothing that Rhymes with Anything Teasable: No Celeste. No Bree. No Brit. No Delores.
  • Nothing Flagged by Stephen Levitt: No Jasmine, under any spelling. No Brandy, under any spelling.
  • Nothing Reminiscent of Household Items, or Sarah Palin: No Truck. No Jenson. No BBQ. No Bianchi.
  • Nothing Suggestive of a Thrown Dart in the Delivery Room: No Sealy. No Ivory. No Canon. No Jansport. No NorthFace. No Raintree. No Aquafresh.
  • Nothing That Ends Up on Mind of Mencia: No Usnavy. No Toprameneesha. No Shi-thead.
  • Nothing Overly Literary: No Desdemona. No Ophelia. No Hester. No Offred. No Pi.
  • Nothing For Treehuggers: No Rain. No Sun. No Moon. No Wildflower. No Honeysuckle. No Surfspray. No Prius.
  • Nothing Strippers Use OnStage: No Destiny. No Heaven. No Misty. No Crystal. No Jugsalinda.