Sleeping = aggressively herding lethargic cows
Resting = aggressively herding lazy cows
Nibbling on hands = ensuring you are still fresh
Chasing the cat = warding off predators
Stealing food from the table = leftover donuts in the conference room
Jumping over the couch = attentiveness to your every move
Wigglebutt = I luuuuuuuurrrrrrrvvvvveeeee you this much!
Peeing constantly = properly hydrated
Spooning in bed = spooning in bed
Farting in bed = it was —->Beckie *dognod**dogstare*
Farting in bed = whatever, i tooted, dgaf
Dashing off down the street = pre-emptive surveillance
Laying under the AC vent = protecting my family, as my right as a ‘murican
The Stare = the depths of my soul are laid out before you, do you have any bacon?
Doesn’t Like Water = I choose not to run, Jerry