the all-mountain rider can’t suck by himself, he needs a bike to help him with that, preferably an expensive one that sucks just like him.
he needs a bike that can do a little bit of everything and a lot more at the boundaries, to compensate for his boundaries. unfortunately, bikes are at their best when they are specialized. so in the quest to overcome every boundary, he buys a bike that will suck at the common, or at least most of the common, or pretty much everything but a few things, which is guaranteed to be the exact terrain on any particular ride. 6/6 is great for everything but more work than 4/4, except for when you need 8/8, except for the hadtail spin home. the bike climbs like a hungry goat but its timid descending, its point and shoot down but a truck going up, the pedal bob going up is what makes is stable going down, its too light for DH and too heavy for XC, it is tight in the trees but too snappy on a long straight descent, switch to a longer bike that is like a train on rails in the descent but too sluggish in the trees, it cant do a goddam thing, but it can do everything! why do i need a new bike?!?!?!
Its marketing!
The marketing wizards have titillated the compulsion and the shame of the all-mountain rider by promising a cure-all to his woes. tapped into the desire to get better by promising the “One Bike.” What is the One Bike? It does not and can not exist, but we get drawn to its bold promise. here are a few snippets from the Santa Cruz website:
The Nomad: “If the VP-Free and the Blur LT spent a dirty weekend together in Whistler, chances are that nine months later there’d be a little Nomad running around. “
The Heckler: “If bikes could be thought of in human athletic terms, some could be compared to marathon runners, and some could be thought of more like wrestlers. Somewhere in the middle, you’d find the Heckler. A damn good rugby player. Even got a built-in bottle opener…
what the fuck does this have to do with a bike?!?! Its no wonder I can’t find a bike to test ride, let alone decide what to “build up to be what I want”. I don’t know what I want because what I want does not exist and can not exist, how am I supposed to build it? woe, the ride of the all-mountain rider.