So you know you have finally crossed into the lowest circle of parent-hell when you get excited about #1 and #2. I am so there. For many weeks now, discussion of bodily functions has taken up a disproportionate share of our all-too-scarce conversation time; from the early tales of G actually letting us know when she has a load in her pants (“poo poo! poo poo!”) to our constant struggle to get her to LEAVE YOUR DIAPER ON DAMMIT! so she won’t crap on the floor, to the tale, told recently by Gina, one of G’s teachers at daycare, of the baby removing her dirty diaper and waving it around in the air. I guess Gina didn’t listen when she said she had poo poo. She won’t be making that mistake again. I hope no other kids were nearby. Sounds messy.

Anyway, obviously G has mastered the terms poo poo and pee pee, although until this morning I wasn’t so sure she knew the difference. She often tells me she has poo poo when in fact she is only wet. Oh we are so proud. The baby can tell us when to wipe her ass. Parenthood. It just keeps getting better. So you can imagine my excitement when, at approximately 6:30 this morning, G wakes and proclaims that she has “pee pee”. I ask if she has to pee. She says yes. So far, so good. We head for the bathroom. I take off the diaper and sit us both down on our respective toilets. Just in case she isn’t sure how it’s done. I shall demonstrate.

Now, G’s toilet is a cute little thing that sits on the floor and plays a triumphant song if something touches the senor in the bottom of the bowl. To date, G had only managed to make the song play by touching the sensor. So you can imagine my feeling of triumph when only a few seconds after I plopped her onto her toilet, the song plays!! OHMYGOD THE BABY PEED IN THE TOILET! THIS IS FANTASTIC NEWS! A BANNER DAY! GET OUT THE CHAMPAGNE!

Although this is, in fact, maybe the best news since G figured out how to feed herself, the story has a bit of a twist. It turns out G was startled by the music heralding her victory over her bladder, and she jumped up a wee bit early (forgive the pun). Although she did manage to do about 50% of her business in the toilet, the rest was not quite so well contained, so we ended up having to get out the mop and do a little cleanup. Thank god the maids are coming today.

Oh well, you can’t have everything. At least she has figured out that telling me BEFORE she has to go is better than AFTER. You don’t have to wave around a diaper full of crap.