Biking Without Riding

This week was copious time on the trainer, reading the QBP catalog. Calculating. Spending.

 

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truing wheels!
Thank you Alex. These factory-built hummers are sturdy and will care for my girls. You get lots of donations of outdated stuff when you go 9mm QR, yo!
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throwing dirt all Sunday morning
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We built this in about 3 days.  Some pics ganked from Fish, Kenny and other GROAZers
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The girls were not invited to this workday, with all the machinery, which made me far more productive. The vast summation of our efforts at the last workday was a gecko that dropped its tail.

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This park is gonna be sick, and legal. Pinch me, this isn’t really happening. Some pics of the DH runs, also borrowed from the net.

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The dirt is actual soil,i feel naked without the threat of rocks. Like a prisoner drug to the Roman Coliseum, I did not know man could build such things.

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The skills area is at mid-hill, the green, blue and black lines coming down above it.

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A shop stop on the way home. v-brake boss plugs removed, new used seatpost, good advice. Thanks Morgan and Rage!

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maybe just a little riding
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This made me happy

Gs 26 – Early Phase

Previously on ‘TinyShredder‘…

G need new bike, xmas is coming, we are sick of childlike bullshit overweight cheap dumb fucking kids bikes. And with help from Rage we discovered G can fit into a 26 frame! Ahhh, adult sizes, where high-end drive trains and forks and brakes and wheelsets are so mass produced they perform featherlightly for mere pennies!

Except they have all become 27.5 wheels, with through axels and hydros, complexity and sensitivity to swallow a little girl. I saw a picture of a Felt carbonfiber 24inch-standover 29er. If I plunked $250 for a smaller crankset and $250 for a better fork, G would set 8yo landspeed records at $2k, and would kill herself turning at 4mph, engulfed by the adultness of intent and equilibrium. 4mph doesn’t sound like much, until you throw yourself at the ground from a dead stop — that’s about 4. This dilemna led to shopping for the lowest of the low-end mass produced lines for a frame and $300 into the ether of stupid. or…

or…

buying a frame!

*sigh*

The most custom custom bike build I’ll have ever done is for G.

*headscratch**facepalm* I am soooo bitter about this.

Why, bikegod, why have you let this FunSucker taketh another gift from me!!?!?!? I’ve ridden National 3 times this year. I USED TO RIDE NATIONAL 2X A MONTH!!!  

Performance 14.5 26inch frame. This is the most important thing i’ve ever bought from Performance, since a Gary Fisher Sugar3 15 years ago, a chainsuck deathmachine I finally left by the side of the road. But even Performance cant fuck up an aluminum hardtail frame someone else made and they only painted? I took it to Rage for the facing, instead of play Russian Roulette with the mechanics at Performance.

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so purty, hanging next to those $2k Yetis
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After I brought it home , we strolled through the garage seeing the blue and white cables on the Fatty Catty and the Bird, the blue ring on the Malice, the red grips on HeiHei. Time for a paint program!

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My elevator pitch: red cranks, red rings, red shifter cable! White brake cables and fork!! Restrained and softened Hurricane G vs. the power of the Genasaurus? The middle blue so soothing.

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Alana could not be bothered to heed advice for the 10th time in 5 minutes. The past 30 min the two of them with my help and zero damage removed a bottle cage from a bike, washed it, and remounted it on the new frame. It was death. G was wailing over the inherent patience and precision of bike work, and taking it out on Alana.  Alana was playing with every small, fragile, or destructive object in sight, like a cat with a feather, or nagging G to hurry up.

Me: DONT GET NEAR G WHILE SHES CARRYING HER BIKE!

Me: DONT GRAB THE SEATCLAMP WITH THE PLIERS!

Me:  TAKE THE HEADSET OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!

Me: DONT JUGGLE THE HEX NUTS AND WASHERS!

Me: DONG GRAB THE 3-in-1’s TIP WITH THE PLIERS!

Me: DONT GET NEAR G WHILE SHES CARRYING HER BIKE!

At some point, you have to let it be mountain biking, and learn your limits by wrecking.

In the last week I’ve shown them how to remove a rotor, service a cassette, mount a tubeless tire, and clamp a brake cable. But neither at the same time, and neither enough steps in sequence to complete a single task. They both will know how to build half a bike, but neither half can complete a single task without the other. its Dante-esque.

first bit of bling
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Bulldozed 2

giveth, taketh away, and shit.

Across Bell road they are building something, and the ground is stacked up carved up like a playground.

“girls we need to hit that asap!

I stopped the car and pointed while they glanced a monsoon rainbow over Bell Pass, conveyed its temporality, and we agreed to hit it tomorrow night (instead of pedaling home from school), if i would check out how packed it was.

I burst in after the last v1 Tequila Tree ride, evah, and G knew my big secret as soon as i shouted “Guess what!!”

 “The hill is ridable!!!”

I dropped a couple 2 footers, rolled others I could not see, and tested the pitches. It took another week til G and I explored, freerode, created a Geneline g-out down the long easy face and up a 2 foot carved ledge that we kicked out and clawed and packed enough for a navigable 8yo tranny.

“MOM THE HILL IS SO MUCH FUN!”

you said, who said, whut about my parenting?

The next night we returned with Alana, and Beckie, and a shovel.  We added an Alanaline stepping down a foot then another, scratched in a line up the other side as the Arizona soil turned solid so fast, and an approach line to the top of the small pitch. Marked em with rocks, so hard to see in the dark, when you finally line it up you don’t believe the foot-wide safe lines are there, but you do it anyway, cause you learned. First time for both of them to suspend their disbelief and ride it anyway. #parentingforgnarness

The hill got torn up the next week, and it was too dark and we had too much fun to take pics. but it looked a little like this:

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Haboob

July 4th Eve, @Tequila Tree. haboob rolling over Somo.

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Somo…gone. Papago…gone. But it looks like it will miss the McDs! so I will keep drinking.

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slight miscalculation. damn that came in fast.

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Greenie Millie

aka ‘The Lemmon Drop’.
Finally!!!  after a snowed-out attempt 2 years ago, after 4 yrs covetting!

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technically, the Lemmon Drop includes a few more miles higher up Mt. Lemmon in Tucson, but nearly 5000 vf elevation delta was good enough according to James. Since he’s morphed into a dirt roadie and climbed Catalina Highway many times, this is validation aplenty for me.

YES LEMMON DROP!!!!!!

7000 vf descending, 2.5 climbing, 4.5 hrs moving over 7 hrs, no blood for either of us, one bonk, and one clusterfuck attempt to fix a sliced tire. Hors and gnar to keep us balanced.

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so verklempt to be wearing kneepads, fresh off his AZT 300 attempt

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I am so hard I  shall ride 20 of the hardest downhill miles in AZ, with only cookies for sustenance!

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for about the first time ever we’ve ridden together, I had the SLR. I owe a lot of profile pics!

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VSLF: Shouldn’t he be wearing pads more often?
Me: that depends
VSLF: on?
Me: on how conservatively you ride
VSLF:  he’s a wuss
Me: he’s training for distance, on a 29er, he’s core
VSLF:  he’s  a wuss
Me: its complicated
VSLF: he’s a wuss

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Pro tip:  if you slice a tire, just put in a tube.

Don’t pump it up and hope the sealant works, several times. Don’t put in more sealant, don’t jam in a plug, don’t beg with an old patched spare, don’t do a rain dance of doubt and remorse. You will reek of ammonia and latex and old sex that’s been in your camelback for 2 years. Sealant moneyshotting out my sliced tire, santorum so noxious James smelled me 2 switchbacks above.    Roasting  for an hour at 1pm on a west-facing ridgeline, while i flailed fixing my flat in the midst of a beatdown ride. James was sanguine, staring down 2 more hours of gnar and heat. He lobbed me a new 29er tire and set off downclimbing Molino Basin, a mop-boy in a filipino sex-room, sponging up my shame.

you can catch VD just looking

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I took an extra minute before finally slinking off, to get my mind in a happy place. Molino has been in my head since I flew off an intimidating slot 6 yrs ago, and i would not let tired and hot and frustrated and rancid distract me after working all day to get here. I rolled it, fuck yeah i rolled it all, and hit the waterfall with a tiny dab. Porntastic.

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There was still an hour more of burly nobs and jagged slag.

How to convey just how awesome  and scabrous is this ride? All these rugged isolated views mean 50% of the climbing is straight-up HAB, the trail is narrow and  gnarly and maintainance is just a few helper rocks, the opportunities to crash go on for hours, and if the snow doesn’t get you at the top the sun at the bottom will.

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WINNAH!

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My Growing Secrets:

  1. 8 bikes, the tire lasts over a year, but is ridden enough to be tubeless
  2. scuff up the sidewalls in the McDs to allow constant permeation of dry air
  3. cheap homebrew, mixed by the quart, in place of $65 tires
  4. feed creature beyond the point of exponential growth, see #3 above

I finally changed the tire when I felt two distinct metastatic lumps. She was extracted having freshly consumed the better part of 2oz of new sealant.

and here she is, mounted on my wall!

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Left Unsorted

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones – Someday I Suppose

Prez-kit!

Saturday I did the Prescott Monstercross.

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It was real, and it was spectacular. So much singletrack, temps never got past 60, up and down and only once did i ever get gassed from the length of a climb. Every time i challenge myself to a big day i want to challenge myself to more, the hit so addictive. I try to do at least 4 big days a year. Its not enough, but its enough to maintain. I’ve been searching for a vein for the last 6 days. Me, the bike, the forest being together, wringing out everything but the present. 8.5 hours 52 miles 8k vf later I was glad to be done, but i was not wrecked, just enough to throb a little.  Still stoked enuff to take G to the pool, swap stories with her, drink a beer, and inhale chinese buffet.

I would want to give up everything and play in the woods, but I wouldn’t want to change a thing about everything for my kids. Except maybe go north more. And make them read more, and do chores, and sleep in their own damn room. And yell at them less.

“The more I sort it out the more it gets distorted.”

Weekends like this clarify. cleanse. coagulate. congratulate.

La familia rode Willow Lake Trail 30 min after I passed early in my route. EPIC planning failure. They went to Heritage Zoo, while i followed the pink line on the gps.

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pour some sugar on me
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haaaaaaaaaappppyy!

a friend from swimteam told me about wetsuits for east coast swimming. $45 for 2 of em used…all those hours i could have let kids entertain theirowndamnselves in March and November in Rocky Point. *facepalm*. shopping for my own now, BodyGlove sez i should find a S for $40 on ebay.*double double facepalm*

G wanted to try it! ASAP!  
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A swim immediately after a breakfast buffet is safe, right? The kids surviving was proof that it is!! Then off to the Granite Creek Park pumptrack.

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imagine…a park with grass and shade trees. Prescott has its manzanitas, i rubbed too many of them the day before, but it has real trees too, and its only 1.5 hrs away. We should buy a place in Flag…

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i thought the dirt would be actual dirt, but like Phx was mostly sand. Its still the desert, though pebbles and ping-pong balls did not bubble up to the surface, which metaphors the differences from the Nix. Our beginner is their intermediate, their chunky finish skidding Old Ranch trail is a descent from the Tequila Tree, 15 degrees cooler. And with shade. and the Dells. I *heart* Prezkit.

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After Alana’s inevitable meltdown, we abandoned her at the Constellation Dells trailhead.  She caught up soon enough, and 3.7 minutes later was high on stoke.  a 10 minute rockline excursion drove out the kids’ fears. Then they couldn’t be stopped, seeing lines and grip and gravity on their own.

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matching pant-holes
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Hands and feet hands and feet, lean into the rock. The soccer coaches told me even the pros practice 2v2, 3v3…keep the game simple.

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i was proud of myself, as a father, for the gloves. Kneepads would have been dad-of-the-year material.

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Angry Bird

What you give up to go up in the McDowells makes the downhills so much less fun. Yet I, I!, have perfected a route that stands in glorious contrast to this seemingly unbendable natural law. It took almost 4 years. The only thing you lose hauling a big bike up the hill is time, and its a workout anyway, right? There are even a few glorious B-lines, and wall rides when the trail pops out of Reata Wash and makes a brief run along Thompson Peak.

At the start of the ride is a jersey barrier that i finally willed myself up to the top, and dropped it so smooth i wondered what took 3 years. Cuuuuuuuzzzzz its very tall and very skinny, and the next time i wadded myself up at the very top and fell sideways at 0mph. Slow enough to see the crash-landing and plan my escape, with only a little bite to the elbow. I’ve spent years honing my matrix cat-like anti-cacti moves. Redemption came charging the downhill from the overpass before i could see the bottom, trusting the Bird to ride it out. It makes everything feel like snowboarding through powder.

A parallel thematic arc in my (self-indulgent) serial epic is hating myself for a $5k bike i dread riding uphill. Flats make the Bird so much awesomer .2% of the time. That .2% has bought me a dank nug of confidence that i turn to regularly. I treasure it, i would be broke(n) without it.

March 20, 2013 – alt dropin to HiLine in Sedona
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But clipless make the Bird awesomer so much oftener. I busted out my pedal wrench, hated the McDs no more, hitting under 8 min down Paradise Wash repeatedly, and jumping down-facing drops at the bottom of the golf course. Rerealizing why freeriding and techriding together are so radiant, when there is an obliging pre-climb to enjoy like tailgating.

Tequila Tree sits atop the last pitch down my most excellent route. I plod happily up for 1:00, 1:15, or 1:30, then jump and fly hard with a break to sip liquor and get safe and stare out over the Valley. There is nothing in the McDs the Bird can’t swallow, as long as i point downhill and stay centered. The Firebird is my designated driver and will get me home. Its a ReverseShuttle+DH training ride, and a metaphor, and a happy hour! I am marketing this workout program…

…I’ve been white-whaling over this for 2 years.

And my friends  Chad  and  Scott  have a weekly Tuesday techy ride at the 50 Year Trail in Oro Valley north of Tucson. These guys have been very influential to follow, reading their blogs and knowing them has opened up possibilities, about distance and epic adventures and humility. Showing up completely worthless would be disrespectful. So I prepped with 2 Somo rides, staring down the spine on the Waterfall 2x til i hit it, the S curve on 24th Street til i hit it. Pushed through cleanly on power and technique, compensating for confidence. terrified.

pics courtesy of Yuri, me grinding up Mormon
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National
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Next week i rendezvoused in Tempe with John, who’s brilliant idea was to duck out on a Tuesday and carpoool down to the Old Pueblo to join in the 50 Year fun. John and I have hung out on AES rides for a few years, i recently rode his wheel down the precipitous north face of Tom’s Thumb. Its been inspiring fun to watch him transform from finishing in the dark with broken bikes to planning monster multi-days. He has gotten so strong and so gritty so quickly he completely shot by the part where most fast riders realize, despite some techy skills, i mostly sorta suck. And whine about having to get home. I hoped his hardtail 29er would slow him down enough to not feel my weakness. Really glad i got drawn into one of his mad schemes!!

The 50 jumped us right in – downward facing jumps, gaps, chasing guys much stronger and practiced on these trials. Before I could process the adrenaline, or aggregate my insecurities, we hit this:

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Thankfully, I got to follow my dear friend Alex Rentzis down it, like so many other big moves over the years. You cant deny me service under SB1062 simply because i call another man my security blanket. Alex also broke out early to come shred woot woot!!! The pic is from Scott, from a ride I wasn’t on. And a bunch more courtesy of Chad and John. All the ganked pics makes this seem like a LOOK AT ME post. It is, but its not. If it was, would i include this fail?

my tattoo makes me look rad!  
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the takeoff looked so easy…
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^ pics courtesy of John

It was like that for about 2 more hours. Chad and Scott were the most gracious hosts, to our 3 from the ‘Nix along with a few other cool folk from Tucson. Showing us the lines and indulging our false starts, and trusting us to keep up while they sessioned to their limits as well. Deformed verticals and rock crawling, elegant sunset shading the back side of the Catalinas, uplifting company. Each move got more confident, exponential irrational reaction to acts of will. I hustled to nurse the leaky rear tire punctured during my failed chasm jump, pushed to keep pace, yet despite all that the trail kept getting…not easier, but i got better.

These moments of beauty and fear and affirmation are what make sports so imperative to me. Its not the KOM, the scholarship, the statistics. The instants of choosing to be forced into being better than i think i can be. Sharing other-people’s photo dumps are the closest i can do to share these flashes. They just…flash…and I am so grateful to have been there, and gotten out unbloodied, and to have a record to remind me to be confident and humble every day.

thank you for the pics, the ride and the stoke. See their blogs for more!

There is a pic of me nailing this. But this one from Scott is so much better, people should see it for demonstrative purposes.

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Rob was a really cool guy, on a vision quest, to ride 1 bike for 1 year for under $1k. Watching him wiggle into and down this on a Transition Klunker after I’d taken 4 tries and crapped myself on my $5k squishy was another of the afternoon’s perfect moments.

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lol.  just, lol. what a great afternoon!!!

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^more pics from Scott.

And just when i was ready to get back out and shred Lady Somo, just when Rage over lunch unclanged the parts i clanged up the day before, some POS stole this from me.

Pulled it off the bike frame locked to my rack outside Lifetime Fitness. *facepalm*. Admittedly i’ve gotten lazy, in the good old days you needed tools to rip off a thru axle. I’ve been trolling Craigslist, filled out a police report, looked at the gym’s video; if i don’t try, I’m encouraging this to happen again. I was angry for about 2 days. mostly i wish they took the whole thing. Yes my front wheel costs as much as my co-pay, and for the same outta pocket insurance would have bought me a new expensive bike. *SO ANGRY!*

Prescription for feeling better about getting bike parts stolen:  buy bike parts!  Saddles*, tires, rotor, axle and a new custom wheel!

*technically, I did not need 2 new saddles, but its part of the healing process. If i find my wheel i will pepperspray the asshole and kick him in the nads til my toe hurts, but I’m really happy with how it ties the HeiHei together!

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we rode through the park, got eggrolls, then rode some dirt home
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Black Friday at McPump

I knew a secret. My friend KennyB had just worked on the track, after 3 days of a once-in-5-year rain. He smoothed it all with a sod roller and reworked the back line. The ground was still moist and cuddled your wheels, the rocks and kitty litter had floated out of the dirt, and the surface was uniformly smooth and wide. You could almost ride eyes closed. I dragged the family there with the same aggressiveness I threw myself into the tacky hippers and berms.  We shopped online, the only people who got hurt were the Chollaballs: raspberry for each child and a pedal bite to my shin.

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Santa will be brining some littleGirl sized board shorts, xt brakes, and an upgraded derailleur. Not even 8 and she busted her second one riding the Sport Loop.

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put these two together, and you’d have 1 awesome photo to go with 75 snaps from G of the sky and the top of my head.
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fun, even on a 29er!
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Alana, child of the half-empty glass, was having none of it. 10 minutes of happily putting on gear inspired 1 turn of the cranks and a rogue shit fit. 30 minutes later she was getting voted out of the family. 60 minutes later she was SpongeBob, cheerful without reason, looking me in the eye and repeating instructions, thanking her pads, jumping clear of the bike when instructed, white smile in a purple helmet and panting pink face.

4 months ahead of Genevieve.  SAY IT!!!  Its the only way you can believe it.

Crop Circles

Soccer.tournaments.suck.

4 trips to Red Mountain Park and back. Wave to the old house, stare at Pass Mountain and wish to ride.

*sigh*

We made the best chicken salad possible. We went to the veggie stand, and discovered Bavarian Point’s menu  is kid-friendly enough. A wiener schnitzel is basically a giant chicken finger.

Beckie’s route to Mesa on the road bike at 6am in pink, mine on the mtb back home in green: top of Las Sendas mountain->Tower Loop->out to tequila tree->Mine Trail->canal across the res->Pima path.

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Tequila Tree had nearly a full bottle of El Jimedor gold, so i took the nearly empty bottle of El Jimedor blanc. Its a long dull ride across the canal.

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Crossing Rt. 87 I had to cross the Tempe IronMan course, and peeking my head into the lane nearly caused a bunch of alien tridorks to come out of their tucks and shit their compassion socks. My nose was the most technical obstacle your average tridork will ever face, and it caused the closest Maricopa Sheriff’s Deputy to tell me I needed to ride back down the B-Line to the next crossing, against traffic, on a separated highway reduced to 1-lane. m’kay, that sounds safe. I nodded to the officer then bolted through a hole and down the canal path. #breakinthelaw!

the canal is worth riding!

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A brand new extension to the the mup at 92nd/Shea. Currently about 100 yards short of Cholla Drive but navigable through the dirt. path is cut and in progress extending to underpass at Cactus\96th. This will remove about 1.5 miles of unpleasant traffic. Also is an excellent spot for a safety break.

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reading books in the car makes all the commuting fun for *somebody*

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