I have been having a lot of heavy thoughts on the subject lately. I never thought the whole “illegals are bankrupting us” carried much weight, or figured if it did they we’re sure as hell making it up in the cost of affordable maid service. But a series of articles have changes my mind. A hospital in downtown Mesa recently closed – it was an old hospital and allegedly not that good. However, the overtone of the article was that in part serving illegals caused the hospital to shut down since it could not make budget. I bet it was partly both, based on its location. This came not long after i read about an illegal who was hit by a car and was finally sent home to Mexico in a nearly vegetative state after wracking up over half a million in medical bills. In all the racism and paranoia over illegals and the money they cost us, rarely do you see just how that money is broken down, and that is a shame because it allows the racism and paranoia to dictate the discussion. Should we care about protesting a privately-funded day-labor center, or stress that much about the cost of school and teaching any kid to read, if the simplest and least painful area to focus is in medical care denial? Yesterday I read about a van with 32 people in it that crashed outside of Benson, and a bunch of the victims were airlifted to Tucson. AIRLIFTED TO TUCSON!!!! I think it goes against their mission to ask a rescue worker to realistically identify someone’s immigration status before providing them service, but its even more crazy to ask the taxpayers to pay for helicopter rescue. Sometime in this M*A*S*H* episode not a single officer asked any of the 26 other people to provide ID and a story for the 6 people who got airlifted?!?! Aint no damn airlift for me when i’m in Rocky Point and paying Mexican taxes! We are the richest nation on earth, we should provided an ambulance, but not a helicopter. My health insurance would make a similar decision about me.

When I say this i sound like a Minuteman.

The unintentional effect of a house in Rocky Point has been a lot more empathy for the people trying to come here to work. They are coming to Rocky Point too, and bringing their crime and their trash and their vagrancy and their loitering and their run on public services. They may be legal, but they are using my grill and my water and leaving trash in my yard. But then I see up close on my bike guys working all day in the heat loading buckets of bricks and then walking 3 miles home. Its hard to resent someone trying to work and improve their quality of life.

When I say this i sound like a bleeding heart.

Maybe AZ Prop 200 isn’t so bad after all. Except that it is entirely too blunt and stupid in its attempt to protect the citizens from the black hole of medical bills. You shouldn’t be able to sue the cop who didn’t cancel the helicopter, but there had to be 10 people involved who could have stopped that helicopter. There had to be dozens who could have stopped the half-million dollar fiasco. It has to be part of their policy to evaluate the citizenship, at least if its feasible. Sometimes it may not be feasible, and you can’t blame the rescue worker in the middle of that decision, just review it and learn from it as part of your ongoing training. Doctors have evaluation boards, police have reviews, is that so hard?

Obama’s speech was noteworthy. Some things he said, I have only thus far seen said on “The West Wing”. I think it was a good speech, a very good speech, but I was not as moved by it as Beckie was. Mostly i saw his words as just common sense, and not sure it really requires explanation if you are a normal color-blind civilized person. Some people hopefully will open their eyes because of it, but i think those are many of the same people you can’t get through to in the first place.

I think more important than what he said, it reveals his character and allowed him to deliver an emotional roundhouse to the voters that no candidate other than he could have thrown. I’ll bet his campaign has been saving this bombshell for the right time. So its surely political. The man gives a good speech, no doubt, but I am still not convinced he’s not just another stupid democrat, or even a smart guy who will be unable to escape the stupid democrats around him. Which is not to say that McCain won’t also have his hand forced by all the idiot Republicans.

The speech led to an interesting conversation with one of my co-workers, who is a good friend and a lot like me in his politics and common sense, and also a native from Puerto Rico. Our discussions are usually good ones, since we like and trust each other and don’t get offended by straight talk about race. It was news to him that Hispanics generally are voting away from Obama due to racism. My friend’s experience is of a person who had an active family and education and goals when he moved here. I can’t say how typical this is, but he and his sisters and their families seem just as middle class as anyone. Which means they are pretty much sans-color-nee-religion-nee-stupid-ethnic-hate. It is surely different from the Mexican who comes here to work as a day laborer, and who views blacks as competing with them for jobs.

In some ways it was no surprise people are not dialed into this voting trend of brown v. black, for the press certainly does not talk about it. And if they do it is always in the most arm’s-length of terms. Beckie calls it code. I noticed much the same seems to be the case with Jews sucking onto Hillary like lampreys cause she once ate a kinish at a deli. Just like the press won’t say how the hispanics fear blacks, they won’t talk about how irrational Jews can be about Israel. It got me thinking about how I was raised, and the dogma pushed on me.

From the 3rd grade onwards, Hebrew school pumps kids all full of Israel: sell candy bars to raise money to plant a tree in Israel, vote for Carter cause he made peace with Egypt and Israel, your most noble goal is to go visit Israel, blah blah blah. Fact is, every kid I knew who went to Israel came back some militant mutherfuggar, at least for a few months. Fact is, the Jews can be as crazy and rascist as anyone – from the pro-Israelis-bullshit to the forever-hate-the-Germans to having a not-so-subtle distaste for blacks. Its hard to see when you are seeing it in the fabric of your day-to-day, and sometimes it takes the reflection in macro voting statistics years later to really understand what someone tried to sell you when you were too young to know you were being mindfucked. But even then, I did know I was being mindfucked. I surely remember my grandfather not speaking to my cousin’s black boyfriend, despite how Jews wear the ACLU on their sleeves. and I remeber how the synagogue’s flea market proceedings in part went to Israel. And i remember the hebrew school teacher who screamed at the class that the Holocaust was the worst atrocity in human history. While this is arguably true, screaming anything at 6th graders surely reveals something about the warts in your character.

I’m not trying to blame anyone or hate on the Hebrews. That the religion was not for me should not take away from my ability to critique it for its platform and its training. Some of the things it imparted are good – passion for education, willingness to question and think, appreciation for the power of knowledge, and an awareness that being a dentist is better than being a ditch-digger. Why is it ok to praise what is praise-worthy but deny the equally true doctrines that should be criticized? We all know some of stereotyping is true, and every group does really have their own hatreds. Little future Jewish lawyers like to be the alpha-geeks in 4th grade math class, just as much as they snicker at the shvartzes who were bigger and meaner than them growing up in Brooklyn but could kick their butts in gym class. These traits evolved out of history and are passed down. The Jewish religion managed to survive almost 6,000 of hatred and exile by evolving a survival technique and utilizing it. Gibbon called the Jews know-it-alls in The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, and Nietzsche railed against the slave morality because it was real and it was powerful. It should not be taboo to acknowledge these things in their context and with respect. Like Obama said, to reject it is to reject oneself.

But to take it too seriously is to be one of lemmings taken in by the absolutism. I sit comfortably on my high-horse, remembering the real lessons taught by my rabbi.

People seem ridiculously fanatic about voting in person. this i do not understand? what is the big fat fear over absentee ballots? Are you that worried about your vote not getting counted? fraud?   For years people were paranoid about fraud at the polling stations, but now that is suddenly secure?   i just don’t buy it, especially when the option is sitting in line for an hour getting gabbed at by Seniors.

Arizona supposedly has a form that allows you to permanently request a mail-in ballot. but somehow this did not work for me this time around. i am not sure if i mailed it in, or if it was a plot to stop me from voting ever again?!?!

i am revolted by the bullshit the Democrats pulled in disallowing the delegates from Michigan and Florida. and with nary a peep in the media. The time is long gone for Iowa and New Hampshire to have such a disproportionate influence in the national campaign. The increased number of states running primaries on this Super Tuesday is perfect evidence that people want their primaries to make a difference and not be an afterthought to the nominations. maybe back in the day before the internet, those 2 little sad states made for a good pre-season game as candidates honed their messages, but its ridiculous that they should wield more influence than a Michigan or a Florida and be responsible for such a reduction of the field. The Democrats putting their party before their people was disgusting, but hardly surprising. I remembered that 20 years ago i read Robert Michels’ Political Parties, and was pleasantly surprised that i can now legitimately drop such a catchy phrase as “the iron law of oligarchy” without being a poser.

the tv news is over the top. Every channel at the gym had live coverage, or at the very least a ticker running on the bottom of the show. Elections do not require up-to-the-instant coverage, but watching the networks try to do a play-by-play was hysterical. One station had a play clock counting down time remaining in North Dakota. then it switched to time remaining in California, which was the same time but an hour later. Am I the only one who saw the time zones displayed on their always visible maps, or was everyone else just distracted by the topo map accentuating the Idaho border? There were graphics of very martial looking donkeys and elephants wearing UnderArmour and tunics. Fox News actually had a bolded title on screen New Results When Polls Close at 10! This was probabaly a fascinating headline for many of Fox’s viewers.

finally, i found myself trying to rationalize an acceptance of Hillary Clinton. Personally, I can’t stand Hillary. I don’t trust her, i don’t like her, i find her sleazy and fake and generally an ugly person. her mannerisms annoy the crap out of me, and she just strikes me with her body language as a catty bored know-it-all.   But then i thought…well, New York is a pretty educated, diverse state with lots of Republicans and Democrats, blue collar and money, cities and country…maybe they know something we don’t know? they are not a bunch of hayseeds from Iowa or New Hampshire?   I mean, if you had to pick one state to be a good reflection of a broad spectrum, New York would certainly be it.   Which is scary cause it means Hillary really is electable.

lately i can not escape the notion of entitlement. it is most focused for me in the context of riding and commentary on MTBR, and then once seeing it, I see it everywhere.

it goes something like this: the rules are X, so i can do whatever i want up to the edge of the rules, and pray-to-god for the people who i see going a shred beyond the edge of the rules. rules, after all, are rules! in real life, the edge of the rules are a gray areas that is worked out by social mores and interpersonal contact and just generally not getting so bent about stupid shit. this typically works out pretty well. But in anonymous situations, where everyone views themselves as isolated and deontological and rights-bearing privileged Americans waving the Bill of Rights in one hand and a silver-spoon in the other, this is horrible.

where is the line between what you should do, what you can do, and what i should tolerate? DUH! its right where i say it is. its an even finer line on a greasy slick slippery slope between where your sense of entitlement to do what you so-rudely-want-to-do intrudes on mine.

In a short span when conceiving this post, i encountered 5 unrelated yet completely related incidents. and it seems the longer i take put these thoughts together, the more examples i stumble across.

• coming down the saddle into Buena Vista, i had a less-than-graceful stop avoiding a hiker on a blind turn.

• in Rocky Point, a guy who had been tear-assing his quad around the neighborhood all weekend was revving his quad at 9am on Sunday right under our balcony.

• a guy cutting in line in front of us at security at the airport.

• a woman hanging her jacket over my seat in the airplane.

• a guy with giant truck, parking intentionally at an angle so as to take 2 parking spaces, while parked closely to the entrance. and whom i had seen do the exact same move just days earlier at the library.

Each situation was a rule, a violation, and a notification of the violation based almost wholly on a sense of entitlement. no one was hurt, no one would have been (and if they maybe might have been it was basically avoidable with simple politeness and conversation) yet each situation was such a glaring violation. why we have such a sense of entitlement i think is fundamentally wrapped up in the safety, liberty and successfulness of American culture. its such a noble thing to be free and independent, and we are so fat and happy, that we have to encrust each of us and our piles of stuff in brittle shells of perceived carte blanche, with prickly and acid-laden exteriors. the Mexicans in Rocky Point don’t get offended if you do a bad job parking, hitting your door on their car will probably improve their car. Americans are so quick to get so angry. when so many battles can be fought over so little, and who really knows why, the conflict is meaningless. it really becomes more about me, and about whether i shall find conflict.

i have strived as i have gotten older and wiser to avoid conflict, to think before throwing my fist into something, and mostly i have succeeded. there is a person i know from work who just bristles for arguments, he’s always involved in pissing someone off. and while he is a nice guy, he is kinda a dick, and i kinda avoid him. who wants to be a dick? but whether you censure yourself, there is still the way i am wired. some people find bother, some people sail above it. i am by nature the former, aggravated by an early training in the annoying jewish tendency of nagging about everything and generally being a pain in the ass about things. it is mostly an act of intellect that makes me avoid conflict.

Byron mentioned a speaker he saw who espoused positive thinking. It sounded hokey when he described it, but the core idea is so simple and so easy: its only a problem if you let it be, you control your mindset. It kind of smacked me in the head when he said it, cause it makes the challenge of your nature totally controllable by your alleged mighty intellect. sure you can be smarter than some idiot who encroaches on my space or who foolishly thinks i encroached on his, but can you will yourself to be smarter and happier?

I believe i can. and i believe if i can’t, then i best stop blathering on about the ability and willingness to learn being the most cardinal of the cardinal virtues, and that i deserve every argument i get. its like where Ultimate was in the late 80’s and teams had callfests all the time; the game stopped being fun because you were always arguing and it took over whatever playing took place between the arguments. and eventually it stopped because people decided to avoid the negativity. Players learned ways for resolving their issues without callfests — warn someone what you think is a foul, give him what he gave you without all the baggage, or just shut up and play.

you can’t avoid thinking someone overstepped what is acceptable, but you can keep it in perspective. the key is mindset and coping tools.

but the fact is, sometimes there is legitimacy in your sense of entitlement, and confrontation is a coping tool — politely, in measure, with words that leave everyone an escape — but to deny that someone has pissed you off and swallow the anger into passive aggression will just as surely make you miserable. So I apologized profusely to the hikers and explained how i was in control just surprised and have a nice day; i yelled at the guy after 30 minutes “would you do that somewhere else please?”; i said to Beckie quite loudly so my voice was unignorable “boy, you must be in a real hurry, huh?”; “you may not want to hang that there, my daughter is quite messy”; and then lastly, in light of finding a satisfying way short of breaking a mirror, just walking away. cause its about me avoiding conflict, not about the entitlement.

a man collapsed at the gym today, about 15 feet from me.   i heard some yelling, and at first it seemed like someone urging someone on for more reps, or then a couple people maybe doing sets together talking about things.   the man was in a leg lift machine, and i quickly saw about 5 people all pulling at him and the machine.   i thought maybe he couldn’t hold the weight and was pinned, and by the time i thought to put my dumbells down the machine was crawling with people.   there was a lot of yelling, headphones, commotion, other people crowding around.   then people started lifting him out of the machine, and i helped lower him onto the ground.   He was maybe 50, big, heavy, and through all this i felt oddly calm and detached.   someone started giving him CPR, gym staff came over and assisted.   and about a dozen other people stood around not finding anything much useful to do other than get out of the way.   People on the far side of the floor kept on their treadmills, some didn’t even notice.   Paramedics showed up in probably less than 5 minutes, and unlocked the double-fire door next to the quad sled i had been using.   i asked a couple people to help me unrack it, and we quickly moved it out of the way, then asked each other if we should go on working out?   his wife wandered over, probably drawn by the noise, and realizing it was her husband on the ground, started losing it.   then the paramedics went to work and the staff asked everyone to clear the floor.   I picked up G from daycare as they were hitting him with an IV and looked like getting out the defibrulator. his wife was leaning out the double doors next to my car crying into a phone.

i feel pretty detached about this whole thing.   it wasn’t eery, or nightmarish, or stressful.   it just happened, i was there, and i pretty much did what i should.   and then left like i was asked.

Last week I drove 110 miles round trip to ride Goat Camp in the White Tanks Mountain Park on the far west side of the Valley. i am not even sure what town it is in.   So I thought, if i drive the Prius i will pay $6 entry fee plus 2 gallons gas, for a total of about $12.   Driving the truck would be 5 gallons and likely carpooling with someone, for a net expense of $21.   The Prius only holds one bike, so can’t be used for carpooling. If I carpool, my rider would hit with the entry fee, so my cost would be $15, my rider’s $6, and I would save my rider about 3 gallons in gas. Net gain to my rider is about $9, net loss to me is $3.

For my time, money and my contribution to the environment the Prius is the way to go.   For my rider and I collectively, carpooling is a net $6 advantage.   For environment, the gallonage is a wash.   The Parks and Rec Department loses $6, actually suggesting the Parks Dept — which supports the environment — would have its best interests served by not carpooling.

From a financial point of view, the offset of the Parks Dept makes carpooling an absolutely equivalent decision.   A case could be made that total utility is furthered by one less car on the road, and 2 people having pleasant conversation and not isolated in their cars, but the impact of both issues is of nominal value at best in the big picture.

The fate of the planet hangs in such a precarious balance.

read this pathetic report today on azcentral.com. Kids in AZ only have had to take 2 years of math and 2 years of science.

Some choice quotes:

“Freshmen in 2008 will need a third year of math, up from two, to graduate. “

” Also added is a third year of science, up from two.”

What the hell do they teach in that school, and how does it possibly take 4 years to teach it? Beckie’s assumption on the curriculum: advanced texting, Theories of MySpace, YouTube classics, and of course the oldie but goodie, nookie behind the gym.

We had this extremely cheesey centerpiece at our house in RP – some faux grapes in a basket.   It always got dusty, and it always got moved off the table so we could actually use the kitchen table.   G tried eating them, then quickly called bullshit and spit it out.   If only the maids andor renters would have stolen this!   So instead of tossing it, I brought it home and put it on one of the kitchen tables at the break room in the office.   then I worked at home, then it was the weekend, then I called in sick.   Soooooooo, almost a week later and they are still there providing class and domesticity to our otherwise sterile lunch room.

Beckie was convinced the cleaning staff would pitch them.   No no no! The cleaning staff doesn’t touch anything not explicitly labelled “basura.”   Co-workers are just as bad, well, actually good in that NO ONE here will throw out anything.   I’ve left my coffee mug and water bottles in the kitchen for days only to find them when I return from vacation.   Damn I have seen boxes of cake get demolished over the course of the day, but the sad sonofabitch who eats the last piece leaves the box to sit on the table until…the cleaning crew arrives, has a job-related dilemna, and then finally puts a merciful end to the lonely, icing-laden box.

Will the centerpiece last until the move in spring? I am betting so.

a tale of forbidden platonic man-crush

I frequently pass the UPS man who comes to our office in the afternoons. He shows up right as I am getting ready to ride; he’s going in and out, I’m going in and out, we cram through the doorway in opposite directions together like 4 times a week. My first instinct every day is to go “Welcome Brown Santa!” cause everyone loves the UPS man.   This particular UPS man is black, so I have not done that, cause even though I love the UPS man, I don’t want to say something that might be construed as hurtful or offensive.   And no one wants to offend Santa!   So every day I get ready to ride, he says hi to me and I say hi to him, but deep down I long to say “Thank you Brown Santa!”