Any man who’s relationship can be measured in increments greater than a lap dance or 1s and 5s watches chick flicks. Its an investment in your long-term sexual well-being. We don’t use them to pick up babes, for that, comedies work best closely followed by movies with Matt Damon. Though personally, i prefer my yoga class.

Don’t deny it, don’t resent it, take charge!

Do’s:
Load the queue. Juno sits at the top of my Q, and currently has a short wait. Right below it at #2 is 3:10 to Yuma. Guess what we’re watching this weekend, though i get credit for trying to get her choice?! hooray for gunplay!

“Accidentally” get the wrong movie. You can justify Million Dollar Baby instead of Bridges of Madison County, since they were both late Clint Eastwood movies and sound sorta feminine. Don’t get too greedy, this ploy won’t work with The Outlaw Josey Wales.

Conveniently forget a crucial component to dinner, or if you don’t forget it, feed it to the dog! So we were eating shrimp and ooops ran out of melted butter. Never mind that the dog puked up 2 whole sticks in the garage – the dog might eat that again, and you get to be the hero and run out to the grocery store. “its ok honey, i know how much you wanted to watch Moonlight Mile” Reward yourself with a 6-pack at the store for being so sensitive of her viewing preferences.

Create an immediate man-crisis that requires your attention. Sabotaging a toilet to run over is almost too easy. See above about your selfless heroism while you are not seeing The Pianist.

Sometimes you gotta give in, so pick a good chick flick like The Devil Wears Prada – its not actually a chick flick, but a good movie with women characters. Here’s how to tell the difference – if you see a trailer for it during a football game, you will be ok. the ride might get bumpy — don’t panic, the NFL would not let you down! If you see a trailer for it during Desperate Housewives, start drinking early if it arrives in your mailbox. If that fails, i think about all the free porn I get cause my wife works for the cable company.

Suppose the unthinkable happens, and she comes home with a copy of Whale Rider, turn this disaster into an opportunity! . Be nice, be supportive, volunteer to to dishes. I missed the entire second half of Elizabethtown cleaning up stir-fry and taking out the recycling. Chicks love men who do dishes.

Don’ts
rent any movie with a heretofore hot or entertaining actress that is described as “mesmerizing”, “effervescent” or “[heretofore hot or entertaining actress] plays against type”. The Good Girl single-handedly ruined my Friends spankbank. even the guest stars.

Suggest your girl goes to a movie with her gay friend. Now at first this seems like a great idea for all involved, but the good company and complete lack of sexual tension will keep them sipping wine spritzers at Applebee’s all night talking and they’ll never even make the movie. She will, however, come home with a head full of viewing suggestions and before you can say “damn you Will & Grace” you will have a mailbox full of Something’s Gotta Give and Six Feet Under series discs.

Gamble. Hilary Swank might be hot, Boys Don’t Cry wasn’t.