I sold Jo’s cage and t-stand today.   The whole thing happened very quickly – I posted on CraigsList yesterday and within 1 day and only three replies I had two very reasonable people show up on time and give me my offered price for the items.   That in itself has got to be some sort of sign from god.   It helped that I cleaned them both thoroughly, they were in good condition, and I asked a tad less than half the purchase price for each.

I tried to get in touch with Andrea (Jo’s new owner) beforehand to confirm that after 4 months all was continuing to go well and she expected to keep Jo.   It got a little hectic, I finally got her on the phone while the cage buyers were in the garage inspecting, but in the 30 seconds we spoke she said things were great.   Perhaps they are, perhaps they are not; I can not know.   I spoke briefly with her daughter when I left a message earlier in the day, and she said that all was well.   Hopefully Andrea will call or mail me back and let me know.

Does it really matter?

Jo is gone for good now, and there is no going back again.

I think I should be happy, or relieved, or angry.   Instead I’m still just a little sad and just a little ashamed and feel just a little hollow inside by my somewhat-willful efforts to make myself ignore the feelings in hope that time will make them go away.   I am torturing myself over this for no good reason, other than placing blame helps add some concept of explanation to mitigate the simple pain of the loss.

I did the same thing to myself when Tsaina was dying of cancer and we put her down.   Just like then, there was no more blame to be wrung out of the situation.     The right thing to do would be   man-up and get over it.   Just get fucking over it already, cause its over.

it will take time.   and rushing it is one more act of will at the expense of humanity i don’t want to see myself make on the long downward trek from the joy of childhood.   But I probably will anyway, cause i don’t have the bandwidth to be bothered by this anymore.