I was walking Kila down by the fire station, hanging out on a cinder block left by a dumper and drinking a beer, when she comes tear-assing around an abandoned washing machine being chased by a javelina. She turns and stares, it stops and stares, some snorting…Kila’s tail was up so i knew she was good, and the pig was alone…and off it went. 5 minutes, or maybe a beer later, and the pattern repeated. I was really drunk after watching the Eagles-Cardinals, I kinda didn’t believe what I was seeing.

Much like the game.   I’m not bitter, the Eagles were out-coached, and Larry Fitzgerald is the best wide receiver in the game right now.   The vaunted Eagles D, #3 in the league this year, could not get a stop when it mattered.   They pitched 3 straight 3-and-outs during the Eagles comeback in the 3rd and 4th quarters by attacking Kurt Warner, but with the game on the line Jim Johnson fell back on the play-calling that put the Eagles in a hole in the first place.   Warner’s passer rating was double when he wasn’t being blitzed – wtf? Kudos to the Cards for smashing out a 70 yard, 8 minute drive.   I think the Eagles offense has weaknesses, and Donovan has not that I can remember produced a truly momentous 2-minute drive in his career, but that is not why the Eagles lost.   The D did not produce a turnover and managed only two sacks of lead-footed Kurt Warner.   Donovan threw for almost 400 yards and ran for another 30.   The breakdown came – like always – when Donovan had to carry the game by himself, for too long.   Its always what happens and a fundamental problem of the positions Andy Reid puts him in.   The Eagles were either first or second in the league in pass attempts, and Donovan usually does more than most passers because he has so many rollouts and busted plays, and that is when he gets erratic.   If he threw 25% fewer passes, he would be better, and the Eagles would be going to the Super Bowl.   The kicker leaving 5 points on the table and at least 20 yards didn’t help.

Alas, I am happy for the Cardinals, one of the few teams in the NFL I do not hate.   If you give me enough time and enough beer, I can find good reasons to hate every NFL team.   And my reasons can go on and on.   I hate the Steelers.   I hate the city – its the red-state hemroidal irritation on the otherwise great state of Pennsylvania.   The people are nice the way only midwestern union people can be, self-righeous the way only midwestern union people can be, and stupid the way only midwestern union people can be.   They think they and the Steelers are divinely blessed and hosting the AFC Championship games their birthright – when they get this privilege only by their geographical good luck of having BOTH Cleveland and Cincinnati in their division.   These 2 cupcakes have had 1 playoff appearance each since 1996 – that is good for probably +1.5 wins per season for the Steelers, which explains why they always have such an inflated record.   I hate how the Steelers were gifted the 5th Super Bowl win over Seattle by terrible officiating, and the self-righteous dunderheaded union hacks had the nerve to call the ring “one for the thumb.”   This one we can call one for the cock-shaft.   Big Ben had something like a 30 passer rating that game, then goes out and street-greases himself riding without a helmet, THEN people get all teary for him and act like he’s Brett Farve, and I hate Brett Farve too (and the Packers, and the Jets, in fact I hate the whole NFC North).   I hate Bill Cowher, he spits and looks like Sergeant Slaughter.   I hate the Steelers for bringing Plaxico Burress into the league, for making Kordell Stewart something more than a slot receiver, and for Hines Ward (dirtiest player in the league).   I hate Troy Polamalu’s hair – its not a nice braid or cornrows, and frizzy hair only looks good on hot chicks with a just-fucked look in their eyes, on dudes it just looks unkempt and probably smells.   I hate Pittsburgh for one of their ultimate teams beating my team at Mid Atlantic Regionals in 1994 when we choked away a sure win.   And I hate their weather, which always causes flight delays even though its sunny and mild in Arizona.   Their roads suck, their bridges are confusing, and Sidney is a girl’s name.

I’m not ready to get on the Cardinals bandwagon yet, that wouldn’t even be waiting for the body to get cold.   Life as an Eagles fan would have been a lot nicer if they kept Matt Leinart at quarterback.   I miss the pictures of hot tubs and beer bongs with college girls, now all we have is dusty old Kurt Warner with his low-key statements.   Back in the days of the Greatest Show on Turf you could always count on Warner to say someting scary to the media – some holy-rolling bullshit that made you wonder if Warren Sapp hadn’t rattled his brain recently – “I just want to thank God for shining his divine light down upon my right arm and turning it into a beacon of his truth, and his wrath.”   Then the Rams’ media relations people would escort Kurt out of the interview room while he genuflexed and his crazy wife spoke in tongues.   I miss that! Come to think of it, I now have a reason to hate the Cardinals too!

I’ll be rooting for them.   The best team is the one that overcomes all the challenges it faces, and they beat the Eagles.   Plus I have a man-crush on Larry Fitzgerald.   I don’t know enough about either the Cardinals or the Steelers to know their ins-and-outs and be able to offer real commentary, which is sort of a shame to be here now with the Cardinals and not be a fan.   Thinking back on the Eagles season, I think I can name all their games from memory.   OK here goes:

1. Rams (w)
2. Cowboys (l)
3. Steelers (w)
4. Bears (l)
5. Redskins (l)
6. 49ers (w) ***
7. Seahawks (w) ***
8. Falcons (w)
9. Giants (l)
10. Bengals (t) ***
11. Ravens (l) ***
12. Cardinals (w)
13. Giants (w)
14. Browns (w)
15. Redskins (l)***
16. Cowboys (w)***

Hmm…that is just about all of em.   The ones with stars I didn’t watch.   So that was 13 games I saw including the playoffs.   *sigh*.   I’m really not bitter.   I left the Eagles for dead after the second Redskins game, when I showed my luv by starting a fight with an entire bar full of Broncos fans on behalf of the Eagles and they still let me down.   The fight, as it were, was me asking the bartender in Pagosa Springs if she could switch one of the 6 tvs showing the Broncos choking to Bills, to which she replied “What’s wrong with the Broncos?”   To which I replied “Every year they are overrated, every year they collapse, their D is soft, they piss money away constantly on free agent busts, and I hate Mike Shanahan.   Have I mentioned to you people that I hate the Broncos?”   That there were only 4 people in the bar is NOT THE POINT, there coulda been 40 they would have all hit like the Broncos D, I coulda taken em.     The point is – I was ready to throw down for the Eagles, and I still thought their season was done in December.   Making the semis of a tournament is a good accomplishment.   Coulda shoulda woulda – the Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl.

Last night back at the fire station I did not see but heard Kila getting into it again with the pig, so anything is possible.