The day began like this, with G locking herself outside.
I guess she is old enough and clever enough to finally operate the front door. Too bad it didn’t stay that way. It turned into this:
such a nice wavy pattern all the way down the side of my car, and some on the hood too.
she spends a fair amount of time in the garage, cuz I spend a fair amount of time in the garage. Other than grease from the bike chain and the threat of a brake rotor, she is pretty easy to watch and let her have fun. She knows to be gentle with just about everything, and there is not much she can hurt being gentle that has not already plunged down South Mountain. Last week a friend was telling me how he will start a repair and let his little boy finish tightening nuts or whatnot, and they have great fun together. It sounded so promising. Who knew a paint brush could fuck up my car so bad? A paintbrush has a metal band around its brissles, i guess she was not painting, or brushing, or using it for its intended purpose. One second I was getting my camelback and shoes from the garage, the next I saw my car had been vandalized. 
It was kinda cute seeing such free-flowing in her art.
I yelled once, then gathered myself, quickly, and just kept quiet and stewed while I drove her to daycare. Stewing in front of your toddler, if you have built a relationship with your toddler, is no bullshit. She knew something was wrong, very wrong, she did not understand why her immediate and sincere “Sorry Daddy” did not make everything better…it always works at daycare? I can not for anything figure out how someone could get mad so mad at a toddler and hit them. This was bad, real bad, and I was real pissed, but it was just G being 3. What was there to do, but stew? And blog. If you hit someone so small, you have a real problem. Its not that I don’t ever see myself needing a smack to teach G a lesson, the very very few times I have clocked Kila it has been well-deserved and worked wonders and set the stage for the mere suggestion having the desired effect for years to come. But at 3 the punishment can not fit the crime, in the traditional sense. A little spank on her ass or her cheek, maybe if she was being extremely willful and knew she was being willful (ahh…another post yet to come), but what other need could you possibly have to *hit* a tinyHuman? I just can’t ever see hitting your child.
So I stewed. Then I was mad at myself for being mad at my daughter, and making her sad, and making me sad. Helluva way to start the day.
A National ride with Bob is a good way to cure a lot of woes, with a first time down 32nd St. It was steep and loose, but an easy way down the north face; fun in its way, but no 24th St. Then G and Kila and I off to the park, where for the first time ever she pushed me on the swings. She really enjoyed playing 1-2-3!!! Then a soak in the hot bath (apparently, not a hot tub).
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She does do a very solid apology, in her way.
Oh no.. not another long comment from Tim S..
Bummer about the ride, just buff it out best you can. Looks like you guys made up in the end, and *that* my friend is the part that will stick in her subconscious a long time after the whole thing is long forgotten. Very cool!
I only use the corporal punishment thing on the boys, when
a) they intentionally hurt each other, and even then only only in the most extreme of circumstances
b) when they are about to do something that could very well be “life ending” or “limb ending”. At times they seem numb to the ‘raised voice’. Can count on 1 hand the times I’ve had to resort to such. I dont like it..
Last week, around dinner time, I’d asked for the oldest to stop picking on little brother. The usual, repeat myself 3, 4, 5 times.. So I grab a small ‘kiddie’ plastic cup from the pantry (was standing right there in the kitchen making lunch for them) and do my best impersonation of an Iraqi journalist heaving his shoe at “W” 🙂 Jared ducks, looks at me in shock, and a bit of disbelief.. so I grab another and get him on the leg. The smug look of superiority ‘na nana na nah! you missed me’ vanished with the second impact on his thigh. Mind you, this was not thrown at Nolan Ryan velocity by *any* means.., think trying to throw a 90mph styrofoam cup fast ball.. it just aint gonna happen!
It accompilshed two things:
—————————
1) when I ask you to stop, you had better listen the first .. okay well maybe the third time?
2) the realization the Daddy has cups, and he ‘aint afraid to use em’
I milked it for a few days.. “DO I NEED TO GET A CUP JARED?!” 😉
It’s really hard to get guys of ‘any’ age to think before doing. Object lessons are great teachers IMHO. Of course it was also explained to him that I intentionally did not aim for his head, not cool, but his thigh? There are varing degrees of body parts and pain tolerances here. Yet another good lesson 🙂
We’ve listened to the Bill Cosby ‘Brain Damage’ monologue as a family.. it’s being used against me any time I say “I Dont Know” 🙂
I put my fathers wedding ring down the sink as a 3 yr old. They never found it. I dont recall any of this other than being told second hand, years later. I’m sure they treated it the same way as you did, and I have nothing but happy memories from those early childhood times. Corporal punishment could have left me single, with deep seated fears of commitment, a phobia of rings, and expensive therapy bills!
They finally replaced it years later for one of their anniv. presents 🙂
at 3, i don’t think there is a difference between boys and girls, but i can definitely see force having a different impact on boys vs. girls. boys just need to get their asses handed to them from time to time. My tune will surely evolve over time…but sounds like you’ve got the right approach. As long as its never out of anger, and you genuinely have the education of the kid at heart, i think parents need to use a variety of techniques.