I have embraced the bourgeois. I have tasted the forbidden fruit. i have felched from the Giant-Ass TV.

And I got totally donkey-punched by it.   There was no gradual ramp up, no transitional levels between level 1 and fighting the Boss Monster. I flashed from my typical Zero-Point-Zero-TV-Cuz-G-Bogarts-It-With-Wow-Wow-Wubzy to a close encounter with bloodshot eyes, missing teeth, and 3 vivacious chins. Of all the shows Beckie could have been watching, it had to be Intervention. I hate all realty shows but Last Comic Standing, and this one epecially after they forced it on us in Shame Training. Wathcing a 40-yr old meth mom cry about her 17 yr old meth daughter in 52 inches of H-fucking-D!

Bike 1, Giant-Ass TV 0

The holidays were so fabulously low-key that the next day we had time for a movie.   I picked The Watchmen, figuring itd be all cool and eye-candy and f/xy.   In the regard that the TV showed every big-budget detail and like the trailer promised totally put me in the scene, it was a riveting success.   Unfortunately, The Watchmen features a ginormous naked blue man with ginormous blue man junk.   And he — or, it — was in practically every scene, all shiny and rippling and pointing his ginormous blue man junk at the camera.   I can’t even say, actually, if the full monty was onscreen.   It could have been a codpiece.   What difference does it make?   The banana hammock was so lambskin smooth i might as well have been staring at blue man junk.

My distress on this point is purely aesthetic and not the least bit political; its not like I never see dudes in lycra or don’t wear it myself.   But this took it to a level we did not need CG to go to.   Even the amazingly awesome fantasy porn scene with the amazingly awesome fantasy superheroine could not make things right.   That scene lasted 2.4 minutes, but for 2 hrs 40 minuts I kept getting whacked in the face with HD blue man junk.

Bike 2, Giant-Ass TV 0

The giant-ass TV’s next and ultimately triumphant opportunity for redemption came on Sunday.   Football redeems us all.   The players were bigger, the hits were harder, the game was faster, the colors were more colorful, the cheerleaders smelled like stripper dust, and the grass smelled like cut grass and left stains. I can’t believe i knew there was such a thing as football before HD on a giant-ass TV.

I’m going to move the trainer in front of it for games, it will be like Indigo Joe’s now that they have wireless, only the beer will be cheaper.