I have nothing to say.

No open drafts on the blog, no burning thoughts, no radical gnarness.   I am completely and totally burned.   I do not want to talk about the house, or write details down, since they have all burned themselves into my memory like vitally important useless trivia that i can now recite off the top of my head and don’t know or care why.   Its not true; i care very very very much, but very soon i won’t cause it will be what it is.   Task list of items for the A/C guy, the GC, the roofer, the dimensions of each room in the house and which wall will fit the dog door and how the treadmill will be aligned in the 3rd bedroom — got it, top of my head, put me on Jeopardy!!   Its just like work.   When things get heavy, i retreat into complete dynamic knowledge of exactly what is in front of me and the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, nth permutation after it.

The house details are really not hard, considering my cross-training.   So it hasn’t been all that scary, once we thought through things.   It may cost us $20k in the end, which will suck – big fat giant scabby seeping cocks of sucking.   But how many years can you wait for a good enough deal, when you’ve learned all the neighborhoods and the floorplans and the tradeoffs?   It was nut up or shut up, and face 2-3 more years in Mesa which might possibly have meant forever.   I have begun to look forward to a shakeup.   And if Hayworth gets elected, i will be able to close my eyes with my neighbors and pretend we live in Colorado, if   i just drop some ice cubes in my shorts.

I am kinda looking forward to Arizona having a knock-down drag-out for its identity.   I think the good people of Tempe and Tucson and Scottsdale and Flagstaff will rally together for intelligent moderate empowerment.   Or burn together.   I turned down a chance to hear McCain speak and get a free dinner with drinks.   I was not at all opposed to the experience despite him having cursed us with Palin, but putting on a suit, hiring a sitter, and missing my ride seemed like a bad tradeoff – he’s got my vote in the primary, even if i have to declare Repubnican.

And what a great ride! 1:15 loop out the door, up Mudflaps->Upper Mudflaps->Tower cw and I dabbed only once, super sketchy down, the trials, the DH. Then i took Kila w. the Burley to get the girls, and saw 10 javalina right in front of the fire station eating their shrubbery.   I did not have my camera, and trying to get a shot would have ruined the experience.

I have been trying hard to enjoy the little thing.   Watching Zombieland helped, this site definitely helped.   Reading my blog stats and seeing how people find it…kinda helped.   Creepy search engine winner of the week:   “what did genevieve wear to the pink ball“.     Reading the comments in an AZ Central article about what all the ignorant, racist potential-renters feel about Rocky Point these days most definitely did not help.   I listened to Zeppelin.   Watching It Might Get Loud reignited my bromance with Jimmy Page, gave me a whole new level of love for U2, and turned me onto the White Stripes.   3 songs into Icky Thump and I was in luv.

I still have nothing to say.

Is libertarianism nothing more than a candy-coated political justification for being close to the top of the socio-economic foodchain?   As I have gotten older and harder and softer, the ability to rationalize evolving political beliefs that have been naturally, holistically, influenced by the events of my life has called into question if any of my bullshit has ever been real. This such-and-such is ok, except in such-and-such case because blah blah blah blah *i* really don’t like it, and i speak cleverly and can convince myself of many things.

Relativism says no view is truer than another, perspectivism says no view is true but mine is my own truth, nihilism rejects any truth…I thought I never had a problem with nihilism when it stuck strictly to metaethics, and i could toddle about a happy perspectivalist living by my own libertarian beliefs.   Unfortunately, if you deny any truth, you eventually can’t even live in your own fantasy land, especially when you’re pretty sure you are convincing yourselves of the convenience of your own situational morality. 20 yrs later I am not certain of anything all over again.   Must be a mid-life crisis.

Libertarianism as a policy is far and away better than anything else because of its efficacy, the rational economic side of me and libraries full of data will never get away from that.   But as a morality, it is only given passion by growing up in the privileged class, and privileged really only means a modest 2-parent stable home in a stable country with access to a good education.   Or at least a desire for a good education, or at least 1 parent, or at least living in a camp where carbombs don’t go off in your front yard and you watch your sister get gang-raped while your parents are stood up against a wall and shot.   The kids in Slumdog Millionaire did pretty good for themselves right?

Right?

Its a slippery slope when you try to define what is privileged-enough to buy into the economy of the post-Hobbesian world.   Only in the last few generations has technology and knowledge trickled down enough to make there be plenty enough that its feasible enough for enough of us to want free markets enough of the time to be sustainable.   Given that fact, no, I will not feel guilty for having had a nice-enough silver spoon and blankey to make me, intellectually, passionately support all that prevents gang raping my sister.

Recently I sold a TV in perfect cosmetic and working condition, $800 8 years ago, for $100, cause it was very heavy, and we are moving, and I can buy a 36inch flat screen for $350. The buyer was thrilled, he worked a crappy restaurant job at a chain, like i did about 15 years ago.   $100 is a nice find to me,   not my nicest tv. It is not my fault. i made an honest deal at a fair price, the buyer was happy.   He could be doing a lot worse; he could be jumping trains in Guatemala coming north. He validates my current socio-economic morality.

I think the best way to show your gratitude for having good opportunities and good circumstances is by working hard and passing that ethic on to your kids.   Treating others with respect, encouraging good exchanges by rational free agents, having a kind heart, but a realistic approach.   Craigs List with a conscience.

Me and the TV guy are both cool with that.   However, he is not so far from me, inside of the US.   We’re a society that is so wealthy people willingly turn down bacon, while others figure out how to make bacon flavored jam.   He just spent his bejamin on leisure goods and not calorie-rich hog fat, he is not so poorly off.   The people who are so primitive or crazy they haven’t even nodded at the system — the clan warriors, the culture zealots — i have no means to talk to them.   But fortunately i’ve never met them, even in Mexico they want to work, even in Mesa they want to vote.   I think within my lifetime i will see the end of the people who have simplistic excuses for genocide, either by evolution or execution.

My real angst, my daily doubt, comes when there are not individual tangible items at stake, or systematic choices, but rather when there are preferences i or others want, and we work in congress with many others like-minded.   When does it go from free-trade to oppression by the masses?   When is it worth the risk of lawlessness?   When do the Indians suing Snowbowl for making snow go from being free speech to just stupid and counterproductive, based simply on 99% of us feeling one way in an irresolvable argument?   Not wrong, just dumbassed, all things considered, especially cause I like to snowboard, and they are paying for legal fees instead of college educations.

There is a flip side to being on the winning side: sometimes you get voted off the island.   Its hard on the Native Americans being the fringe minority,   I get it.   Its hard on me living in Mesa, which wants to become a Kingdom of Heaven.   I cant blame these people.   I am an agnostic libertarian living among them. I am 1%. If a bunch of areligious libertarians migrated to DagnyTaggartDesperateHousewivville, the 1% religious people would think we’re all crazy oppressors too.     As long as we understand that we can leave a city council hearing and move, rather than grab our machetes, the discomfort and feeling of cultural nimbyism is worth not running from the neighbors wielding machetes.

I am moving to Scottsdale.   I am sure i will find things that piss me off, but not to the detriment of schools and firemen and libraries and parks and quality of life.   I am choosing to spend my money on choices.   Not a single one of the people i’ve met in Mexico would do differently.

A factoid floating through the tubes:   Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words (“For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”)

I won’t even try.   Competition is good, so is   humility.