the most fugged-up sensation overcame me today. it wasn’t climbing National and descending Geronimo is my regular street shoes cause i accidentally grabbed Beckie’s mtb shoes instead of mine (spd vs time), though that was fugged up.

G was in the bath, for quite some time, and getting pruned and the bath getting cold but not wanting to leave. and she made a pouty face, and pouted, and then pressed on with waterplay even though we both knew it was getting lukewarm and unpleasant.   and in her expression i now see oftentimes sadness and resignation that she is not in charge but in fact subject to my whims.   and while i am a benevolent dictator…noted by 10 minute excursion to ride the toy car in the excercise room at the gym while staring at self in mirron; and also so noted by 5 minute tear through the bedding aisle of Blood, Bath and Beyond; and even further noted by the chocolate chip cookie i poached for her at Fry’s…the sense of disempowerment weighs heavy on the baby.

maybe it was this feeling that was the bond, as i have always had a very instinctual dislike of authority.   but i swear i felt like i had looked up pruned and chilly and wanting my bath not to end.   its a pretty simple feeling to connect with, virtually a motif, but still the sensation was so real…   it would be my first memory if true.   The oldest memories i have i am no longer sure if they are memories or memories of stories.   but this…i have never felt this before, but it felt like i had experienced it.   so perhaps, as the memory is more feeling than intellect, it took a very base moment to remeber it.

or it could just be empathy.

This just in: smart human surprises me again.

She said goodbye to her daycare teachers by name – bye Sam, bye Gina. i never heard her yet say goodbye to anyone other than me, beckie or kila. well Jo, but 11oz. does not count.

She brought me a box with a roll of scotch tape inside, and she knew there was something inside the rattling was not just the inherent behavior of the thing, and she wanted me to open it, and then she wanted me to open it some more. oooooohhh, pattern recognition.

She could actually start the Prius if she just got tall enough to reach the Power button. bet the dipshit eye-candy engineers at Toyota never thought of that.

She grabs her tray to tell me she is ready to eat, as if i don’t yet recognize hunry.   she tells me what she wants, and what she doesn’t, and when she is done

Here’s the best one: while we were hiking, she first let me know that she wanted to be sherpad and not walk, then she let me know she would rather go home than go to the park. swear to god…it wasn’t that hard if i just listened.

and her foot seems better.