so we’re at the Suns game the other day in the fabulous 12th row Cox Communications seats. it was a great game won in the final seconds, a great evening with babysitter and beer, and an all-around fabulous time. including the view of the strippers…er…cheerleaders. Not only were we close enough to enjoy the routines in all their neckline-plunging, hair-waving, ass-shaking goodness. but during some of the mingle-with-the-crowd moments the ladies were up close in our aisle. It was awesome! like when the guy next to you orders a table dance.

the professional cheerleaders pretty much don’t even try to hide that they are nearly soft-core porn. and i have no problem with any of it, and not just cause its hot.   they’re having fun, making money, and are in great shape…everyone understands that they are to be gawked at and leered while dolled up during the game, but you would never say or look at the same woman out of her uniform that way, and you don’t even say shit like you would watching a lap dancer you just keep it to yourself and smile and yell “GO IGGLES!!!!”…its all good. but denying its all about the sex is ignorant. Case in point, i noticed when the dancers were near us that they were wearing thick sheer stockings, the idea being it makes your lines smooth and ripped looking, like airbrushing a photo. Hooters waitresses do the same thing, except the stockings get spotted with wing sauce and blue cheese dressing, making the girl look like she has some sort of malignant growth or freakish jungle-like dengue fever. but on the Suns dancers it made them look just that much sexier. Beckie didn’t quite believe me as to the “airbrushing” effect it had, so i pointed her to look at the dancer’s lower back which was uncovered. You could see all the natural blemishes and creases of the human body. None of which would give a dude a moment’s pause while he was knocking the bottom out of her, bent over on Jerry Colangelo’s seat. the point being, the pro cheerleaders are all about titilation.

then at halftime they had some community dance troupes and whatnot. sure cool whatever; Byron always talks about getting to do an Ultimate exhibition at halftime of a Cardinals game; so the scout squad gets to do their thing…sounds like fun, after the initial halftime rush we will get more beer. i’ve been drinking for several hours now starting with when Rick and I were working on Beckie’s bike again, and then on the ride to the game, and then with my 1st-half Giant $8 Bud Light. and i’m checking out the titty action on the floor, but something is wrong. When we first walked into the game i turned and giggled to B about how incredibly huge the players were and how amazingly noticeable it was from the 12th row. and now suddenly i turned and wailed to her about how incredibly tiny and un-tittied these dancers were. ICK i was staring at like 10 year olds. It wasn’t my fault, they were dressed exactly like the Suns girls, and at that point it really wasnt about what I actually saw as much as about what I thought myself to be seeing, which was a really hot aerobics-instructor type with auburn hair.

ICK. this whole thing was just wrong.

its not that girls are cheerleading that bothers me.   i’m the last person to criticize anyone who wants to be athletic and part of a team, its a sport for girls like gymnastics and if they get to be popular too what is wrong with that? at that age the uniforms are cute, but its more about the sport and the routines and the pyramids. the sexual aspect is so PG its appropriate. no one learns all about the power and dynamics of sex all at once, it takes years to sort all that shit out, an easy introduction is healthy. High school cheerleading is not professional cheerleading; sports dancing is more like pole dancing; the pom-poms and big sweaty guys are the only thing they have in common. Them all wearing the same outfits…ICK.

I hope G just plays soccer. or Ultimate.