Damn, I’m good.

really.

Dennis Miller, Tony Kornheiser…I can crush them both, easily, even if they double-team me.   Bet on me for fantasy-league fantasy-league.** I’ve been heckling a long time, I can win over or initiate bedlam at any bar or party with a flick of the finger.

the genius of my art is knowledge of the game, no fear, spontaneity, and a high BAC.  Brushing up at urbandictionary.com is a plus. I’m not gonna be one of those candyasses in denial; i am funny, but I am really funny with a few beers and a tight game.   its ok, I’d give up my liver to have a contract on MNF.   I can take funny pics, cause the moment remains.   But the heckles disappear on the party-hat-infused breeze.   Suffice it to say they were as good as the food. Seriously! Can i get a witness? Don’t even get me started on The Who.

I’m amazed at how a slow broil leaves only the sweetest richest flavor in a jalapeno.  and a Superbowl ad taught me that vinegar will cure sting ray bites. Armed with this knowledge i am ready to face bubonic plaugue, radiation poisoning, and the zombie virus. I must have missed the Tim Tebow ad. Bacon and cream cheese after a lot of salsa and salsa verde convinced us to leave fajitas for Monday, but provided a nice pork-flavored drizzle for the veggies.

The pre-game of Pass Mtn to NRA to Pink Park set the mood.   For me, at least.   No one else but G made it to the end, and she cheated.   Great game, amazing display of nip-tuck football, based on how few penalties and how few big plays and how few hits on the QBs. I invented a system for the chaos in my fridge – start all beers on one level, and as the day goes on, restock warmer beers on adjacent levels, then work along the axis of replacement. Can’t go wrong – freshman year of college there was a single uninterupted path that led from Prospect Street to my hallway, got home every time. The only trick is remembering if you are moving right to left, top to bottom, bottom to top or left to right.

** Each metaheckler selects a heckler, much as hecklers select players. Score +1 when your heckler wins an argument or votes with the majority on a call, -1 when your heckler loses an argument, and +3 if he or she wins the Fantasy League. Metahecklers may also be hecklers, but it is not permitted to choose yourself in Fantasy League Fantasy League.