the Human has developed a consciousness of her body-as-living-space. i’m not surprised by it, or that it seemingly took so long. its hard to think about, say, your socks being bunched up or being a little cold, when you can’t put 2 thoughts together. i don’t really think she is in any less pain, unpleasantness, discomfort or feeling-groovy than she ever was before. she just can now process a thing and 2 possible alternatives.

i think it began with oweee.

but pain is such a simple concept, that who’s impressed with a baby noticing that? but now, starting to see gradations and preferences, now that is learning!

so she knows to pick up her scrambled eggs gingerly and blow on them when they are hot. and that she wants to nag me constantly for “mor chocate.” and she was painfully aware of her painful foot upon which she dropped a free-weight. and now out of the bath she wants immediately to be wrapped up in a towel; she loves to run naked, but still ran under her covers and wasn’t happy til they were pulled up to her chin.

i like sleeping with G. a lot. this is unexpected. while i enjoy good cuddling, when it comes time for sleeping i like my room and my space, i toss too much and have too many injuries to be locked in to some full body, sweaty spoon. its nice for about 10 minutes, then i cramp.

but with G weirdly it is different. i like the feel of her tiny body next to me, it does not feel like a person, but like a small warm stone with a heartbeat and hair that smells nice. like a big cat, or a small dog. i can handle having one of my arms immobilized if the rest of my spine can move around to compensate, and its soothing knowing where she is instead of having this latent disconnect from her nagging at the edge of my rem sleep.

sometimes we are on the same page, and we share opposite sides of her stuffed wolf while we sleep. sometimes she is in a mood for perpendicularity, and manages to shove me aside until i only have room for a single cheek. sometimes she wakes up scared, and i have to calm her down.   sometimes she wakes up groggy, and i get us both to roll over for more. sometimes she wakes up cheerful, and i must drag my ass out of bed cause it is impossible to sleep with a little blue-eyed sunny-ball jumping up and down on my chest.

she always wakes up with wild hair, and that is my favorite part.