Growing Up

G grew up during the last moon. I realized it when i realized i was comfortable sending her alone to the the ladies locker room before her climbing class. She’d run purposefully down the hall, and return with clean hands and an empty bladder and an eagerness to impress me and scamper up the rock wall. Its the first I’ve let her out of my sight with no other adult around to tag in.

On recent rides, she’ll roll a mile straight downhill, unafraid, in control, stopping at intersections, just having fun. A fragrance of consequence finds me, i imagine her crossing up her wheel and sanding her beautiful face clean off skidding down Bell Road. There is nothing I can do but talk to her once she gets up to speed. Its going to happen eventually, i must work with it.

Last week we were practicing addition, writing it out, counting numbers and fingers. She didn’t understand 2+1 vs 21. A week later she was playing with my phone, seeing numbers, counting, reading, saying 19 is 1 and 9; her largest cognitive leap in a long long time.   Maybe ever, just riding along on the way to the gym.

This summer she’s been in a school&camp program, and spends the day with other 5s and 6s she’s known over a year, going on field trips and working on projects. She hasn’t brought her blankie to school in days. She just up’n decided it was time to leave it at home. She still sleeps with it every night.

Fridays are Water Day. Its a new experience sending her to school packing a suit and water shoes and a towel and something for Show & Tell. For her to remember it all, use it all, and get herself dry are a trifecta i could not imagine a year ago. Last Friday she made it clear she wanted to be ready the moment Water Day began. Its 108, i appreciate her enthusiasm. She wore her suit under her surf shirt, under her dress, with her flipflops. If she’d had a field trip that day she’d have had her Field Trip shirt on too. We had to run back upstairs on the way out so she could get a simple hair band instead of a scrunchy, which stays wet all day.

Growing Awful

Alana’s days go like this:

  • 25% whining
  • 30% shrieking
    • 20% in agony
    • 10% in joy
  • 20% adorable
  • 25% willful little bitching

I want to ram other drivers, be surly towards lifeguards, and pick fights on the intertubez cause I can’t smack the shit out of my daughter.

I can, however, let her sister do it.

Alana: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddy, Genevieve not sharing!!!!
Me: m’kay, don’t care Alana
Alana: Genevieve pushed me!!!!
Me: *blink**blink*
Alana: Walk away, Yayo!
Me: Alana, quit whining

Sometimes i let her fall and cry alone when she won’t do what she is told. Sometimes i grab her sack-like and porter her while she screams for mommy, taking cruel pleasure in her discomfort. When Beckie also loses her patience i feel vindicated.   I say things to her like ‘GET! IN! THE! CAR!‘ then am plagued with guilt until i have a chance to make it right, only to lose my patience all over again and consider just walking out without her. I can’t do this, every single day, without my own tantrums.   I’m coping by adopting simpler goals – only a tiny bit of shouting, or dragging, or slinging her by her britches.

I’m sure G pulled all this shit too, but i’m too tired to go back and read about it. A 2 parent : 1 tinyHuman ratio was so much easier.   This is like 1:6.   Multiples are by 2s in fantasy league scoring:

(.5 human * .75 human) * 2 monsters * 2x disregard for my personal space * 2x canDrown