WHY?

WHY??

WHY???

Prior to my having one, I thought this this was the single-most awful and maddening thing children did to annoy the living shit out of adults. Why do they keep asking and when will they shut their fucking pie-holes?!?!?

And now G is doing it.

Some things children do are awful, except when its yours, and you at least have the decency to keep it to yourself. This is not one of them. This is awful. Not the single-most awful thing, tantrums and pants crises are way way worse, but its pretty awful.

At first, I think i can give her a fair and succinct answer and it will satisfy her as its been doing since she started learning ABCs. A fair answer to a fair question. Alas…there is no fair answer, and there is no way to stop without hurting her feelings, and setting a bad precendent of destroying her curiosity. So I try to go right for the direct and honest answer and nip all the intermediate questions in the bud.

G: Why you going to work daddy?

Me: Because I’m a wage-slave for The Man, sweetheart.

G: Why can’t we take the truck daddy?

Me: Cause we’re saving the planet and keeping you in that fancy daycare, sweetheart.

G: Why put the knife down daddy?

Me: Cause i dont want to end up on the Darwin awards, sweetheart.

G: Where’s your beer daddy?

Me: I wish I knew, sweetheart.